Introductions Continued..

From here.

So coffee. I was waiting patiently – AJ was running late. As a Tamil, we are renowned for our tardiness and I refuse to fall into this category which means I get to places ridiculously early. About 15 minutes go by when I feel someone hovering over my shoulder – AJ! He kind of just nods his head at me and then walks to meet me (he wasn’t actually in the coffee shop you see). He comes in and says hello and sits down at the table. Immediately, I am aware of the height difference. *crap* is what I am thinking to myself.
He asks me what I want to drink and goes over to join the queue. At which time, I see a “friend” (I use the term loosely – we are acquaintances more so than friends) of mine and his wife in the queue. They don’t see me and I pretend to be busy on my phone. I mean, I really don’t want them to see me. And so I’m busy busy busy on my phone at which point my “friend” comes over to say hi. And proceeds to chat to me (which is very sweet and endearing of him – because he is genuinely a nice guy!), asks me what I’m doing there. I could hardly tell him I’m on a blind date so I feebly mumble that I’m meeting a friend. AJ is still in the queue and I can feel him watching this whole scene. Thankfully my “friend” and his wife leave before AJ gets back to the table with our drinks.

As AJ sits down, I check out his attire – especially his shoes. For me, I think shoes maketh an outfit and you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes that he wears. Luckily for him, his shoes passed the test. As we sit, conversation flows. The height difference drifts to the back of my mind and I’m not as conscious of it as I was when I saw him. We talk about our families, my “friend”, and just general chit chat. It’s light hearted, fun and easy – just the kind of conversations I like.

Unfortunately, I was working so the meeting was fleet. He offered to walk me back to my car (which I thought was very sweet) and to which I agreed. But it didn’t work out in his favour – I think he came up to my chin btu I could be over exaggerating this.

Getting in my car, I over analysed the situation. Nice guy. But short. Nice personality. But short. Could it work? Perhaps. But he’s short! I didn’t think anything more of the situation as work consumed me.

After work, he called me and we spoke briefly – inane chit chat. Apparently a sign that he was keen (considering he called me the same day!).

He also called Monday – our ritual in this brief space of time being that he calls me as I drive home. And I find out that he has told his mum about me. *shock* Erm.. I do start to stutter a little as I feel as though he’s trying to pin me down into a corner. I think his exact phrase was “if you’re ok with it, I’m ok with it” – With what exactly?

I was under the impression I would be allowed to get to know you – not that you would expect me to marry you just because we get on. I didn’t tell him this though. No. Because I’m a coward. Especially when it comes to breaking people’s hearts saying no to people.
The issue is avoided and we part amicably. He calls on Tuesday as I drive home from work, and asks me what I’m feeling. This time, I tell him that he’s a nice guy, but I still don’t know him well enough to commit to anything. To which he replies “are you just stringing me along?”. By this point, alarm bells are ringing at the back of my head. “He’s not giving you any time!!” the voice screams at me.

So I say no, I just don’t know you well enough. And he asks me how long until you do? I can’t give you a time span. What will be will be.

And we are now at Wednesday. I want to point out that we have not even known each other for a week. As I’m driving home, I’m on the phone to B. Just talking. He calls and I see the call waiting but I’ll call him back. So he calls again. And I ignore it. And so 20 minutes later he calls again. By this point he has called me 3 times in the space of 30 minutes. I go home, ignore the calls and spend time with my siblings. In the space of 2 hours, he called me 6 times. SIX TIMES! When I call him back, the conversation goes like this (all on his part)

“How come you didn’t answer?”, “Where were you?”, “Why didn’t you call me?”, “Where have you been?”. My mind is screaming “WTF?!”. But I fob him off with an excuse that I was tired and busy. It’s been a long time since I have had to answer to anybody. But after one week? Are you crazy?! Complete and utter turn off. But I still don’t write him off completely. I sought the advice of friends and spent a long time talking about it with Amma. I decide to give him another shot. Because I have to at least try.

Unfortunately for him, his obsessive behaviour did not go down well with my parents. If he’s like this now, what would he have been like after marriage. And Appa wasn’t entirely happy with his profession – the uncertainty of regular income.
And so the proposal was rejected. And I’m back where I started.

But say I don’t find anyone else? That’s what’s scary.

Introductions

Being of South Asian origin can be hard. Despite growing up in a western country and being influenced by western cultures, there’s still a lot that doesn’t transfer across to South Asian culture.

When you asked people of my generation when we were kids what we wanted to be when we grew up, it was always the typical response; “doctor”, “engineer”, “dentist”, “lawyer” – the jobs that people – parents/family wanted you to be. And for most people, I can understand why this was. My parents worked hard in a foreign country to give their kids the best education they could and for them to have (perhaps unfairly deemed by Asian society) the best vocation.

And so the circle of life flows, you go to school, university, graduate, get a job, become financially stable and then inevitably thoughts toward your own family – a husband, children, grandchildren(!).

Sure, people have relationships, but it’s still very uncommon for people to live together before marriage. Not taboo – but definitely not the way things are done. And maybe in generations to come this will change – but not in mine.

I have seen a few of my closest friends get married over the last couple of years and so has my mother. And I think this is why she insists on seeing me married sometime soon.

A family friend introduced me to this guy. Before he told me about him, he said that he was one inch shorter than me. Height has always been a thing for. But I have also said, that if I find somebody who has every other desirable quality I’m looking but is that little bit shorter than me then I will not let it get in the way. And with that I agreed to talk to this guy (let’s call him AJ). AJ and I spoke last week for the first time. And we agreed to meet up on the Sunday (just gone). A very fleeting coffee meeting because he was late and I had to rush off to work......

(I actually have to get back to work so I'll carry on a little bit... )

The Lesser of Two Evils

Marrying someone you're not in love with to escape an alcoholic parent?

or

Living with an alcoholic parent and wait to marry someone you love?

Closure

After this, I knew the wedding was looming. So every so often I would check the website again to see if they had your wedding photos up. And lo and behold they do now. A little stalker-ish I know but that wasn't my intention.

I definitely now have complete closure. It still hurts because I invested so much time in "us" and obviously you chose somebody else. But there's so much that you can't offer me. The wedding looks like a nice affair. Not how I would have done it but nice nonetheless. Your outfit was probably the wrong choice - it makes you look fat and that's not meant in a spiteful way but you've clearly put on weight.

We're definitely done.

Nuptials

What do you say to a childhood friend whose fiance has called off their impending wedding?

I can't find the words. :(

Gluttony

I like photography.

I like Tamil Wedding Photography.

I am a saddo.

And today having Googled Tamil Wedding Photography, I have seen S and his fiancee in their engagement photos.

And there is the second of my seven. Glutton for punishment.

Cornered

April hasn’t been a very productive month for me blog wise.

I’ve been so caught up in trying to figure out what to wear to the Royal Wedding (if only!).

I love weddings. Well certain parts to them.

RL was married over the weekend. Hindu ceremony on the Saturday and the Christian ceremony on the Sunday. I really enjoyed myself – how she and the groom and their families managed to arrange such a beautiful wedding in such a short space of time is beyond me.

My mum attended the Hindu ceremony with me and not once did she raise the question of “So, does anyone take your fancy?”. My own mother – I was so proud.
A comes over to say hello and promptly asks “So – what about that guy over there? I can hook you up you know!”.

The Christian ceremony was for only for family and close friends due to lack of space. I was seated with three recently married couples (B, A, G and their respective halves). I do like to leave myself open for punishment it seems.
Our conversation pretty much ranged from
“So when is it your turn?”, “What kind of guy are you looking for?”, “What about that guy over there?”, “Go and talk to him” to “Man – married life is hard”, “We need to get our own place but it’s so expensive”, “We have our own place and it’s sooo expensive”, “You can’t eat that” and a little bit more. But that’s not the point of this post.

The bit I love most about weddings is the dancing. And if you don’t know by now, Myself, A and his wife R, RL and her husband amongst many of our other friends are freshies. We love Tamil music. We especially love Koothu/Gaana. I can’t help but move when I hear it. And RL catered for the crowd. On came the choons and off we went!
A always tells me that there must be no music around if I want to meet a guy because I concentrate so much on dancing that he probably wouldn’t get a look in (so true it’s sad!).

As the end of the evening approached, time for the bride to throw her bouquet. And so I stepped quietly away from the corwd of girls that were gathering. Purely because I’m not that kind of person. UNTIL A and R decided to bellow across the dance floor (the music was turned down by this point so everyone could hear!) “SCRUMPS! SCRUMPS! Get into the crowd. Get to the front!” And then promptly came over and pushed me towards the crowd.
If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, it only gets worse. I managed to escape them and find a corner at the back of the room away from this. What does RL do? She throws her bouquet as faaaaaar back as possible so it lands on the table next to where I am standing. To which A and R come running over and thrust it into my hands.

I tried to profusely proclaim that it shouldn’t be mine but no one would hear anything of it. Next thing I know there is a mic in front of me. Me being the ever cool, calm and collected girl that I am somewhat hysterically just muttered “I need to go home”.

(Though, once I had that bouquet in my hand though, I didn’t put it down for fear that someone might try and take it from me!)

However, I don’t think the same implications apply if you don’t actually catch a bouquet! Hopefully, it’ll help my family and friends relax a little!

It Can Only Get Better!

I bet you're dying to know how the "meet-up" went?

Piss poor really. There are plenty of other adjectives to sum it up but why waste words.

Thankfully it didn't take place at home. At the last minute, he somewhat redeemed himself and suggested coffee and I may have surprised him at how quickly I agreed!

We both arrived relatively at the same time so at least there wasn't any awkward waiting around. But there was definitely more awkward moments than needed. He was taller than me - bonus and he was nice enough looking. But that doesn't mean I found the rubbish coming out of his mouth attractive. I think he found my independence slightly intimidating especially when I had an opinion on stuff. To be fair, I'm sure he's a very nice guy but he's just not my very nice guy. And he's called a few times since but I did tell him on the last call that it won't work out. I think he was as relieved as I was!

And if you thought that was bad, I have been roped into going into Tamil Speed Dating on Saturday - oh the joys of being single!

My Very Own Tamil Movie Moment Gone Wrong!

You know how they say that girls dream of fairytale endings? You know, how we watch too much Disney movies and rom-coms and want to believe that our prince Charming is out there and our love story will be one of those like an all time classic? Well I’m not one of them. Sure, I believe in true love and truly want to believe that my Prince Charming is out there but past experiences lead me to be believe that this is unlikely. Besides, I’ve always envisaged my life as a bit of a Tamil film. Boy and girl meet. Fall in love. Parents don’t agree. Boy beats up potential father in law. Potential father in law sets right all his wrong and accepts boy with open arms . I’ve never understood these by the way but they make entertaining viewing.

Last Sunday it was time for my “fantasy” to become a “reality”.

Amma received the details of some boy (SB). SB’s mum was here and she spoke to my mum and they swapped charts and it was agreed that me and SB would get to know each other. This was about 10 days ago. Sunday morning, my amma pulls back my duvet and tells me that “they” are coming to see me. “Who?” I ask pulling back the duvet over my head and closing my eyes in the hope she’d leave me alone! “SB and co” she replies. WTF? Why do they want to see me for? What?! And I was induced into panicking – HARD!

“Ponnu Paarkurathu” (Bride viewing in English), was not something I'd really anticipated. At all. What to wear? How to style my hair? And having never having done this, my only reference being Tamil films!

I didn’t want to be there. I ended up wearing a shalwar kameez, left my hair in its curly ringlets and waited. Their arrival was sounded by the doorbell and I waited in the dining room. SB’s mum, sister and brother in law had come. No SB – erm... OK... Surely this was a two way thing – I should get to see him as well right? I waited and waited and thought that I would get away with not having to see them when my aunt called me. And it was awful. I felt like such a cliché, looking at the floor as I walked in. And this is not because I was going for the demure and shy look (because I’m hardly that am I?!)! but purely because I didn’t know where else to look - I didn't want to make eye contact with any of them. And then my mum said “Oh, you can look up”. So I did and they spoke about me as if I wasn’t there. I stayed for about 7 minutes before I said “OK – I’m going back next door now” and ran like an elephant walked like an angel out of the door.

And then about 10 minutes later, they left. With photos of me. Saying that they liked me. Well, jolly good for you! SB called me later that night. Said he’d seen my photos and would like to meet me. Can he come to my house this weekend?! MY HOUSE?! Can’t we meet in a coffee shop like our other modern day peers?! I said OK – because I know that that’s what my amma would want me to do.

I’ve had two conversations with SB since then. We have nothing in common. He doesn’t go out. He doesn’t like girls to go out after a certain time. Our first conversation ended like this:

SB: “Can I ask you a question?”
Scrumps: “Of course”
SB: “What would you do if I told you weren’t allowed out somewhere that you wanted to go to?”
Scrumps: *cough* *splutter* “I think my mum’s calling me. Can I call you back later?”

And now I have to call him tonight (coz he called me last night) and I have to meet him on Sunday.

What a load of bollocks!

Secrets

I'm trying to avoid talking about marriage with anybody and everybody but it seems that people are getting married left, right and centre!

RL is getting married. But I haven't been officially told yet.

Conversation with B on Monday went like this:

B: Dude, I have something to tell you and I really want to but I can't!!!

Scrumps: Oh man! You can't do that! What is it?

B: I can't!

S: OK - fine.

B: OK - It's RL.

S: OK - is it what I think it is?

B: What do you think it is?

S: Well marriage....?

B: *Silence*

S: No way?! That's great news!

B: But I wasn't allowed to tell anyone and you have to act VERY surprised!

And then she proceeds to tell me a lil' bit more about it.

Cue this morning, my conversation with A:

A: Man I need to tell you something but you have to PROMISE you can't tell anyone!

S: I promise.

A: It's about RL. Do you know?

S: Know what?

A: OK - you can't tell anyone about this. She hasn't told anyone. Promise?

S: Promise!

A: She's getting married!!!!!!!!

S: Nooooooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?! (rolling my eyes slightly). To who? When? How?!

A: *proceeds to tell me some stuff*. You can't tell anyone OK. Not even B. RL hasn't told anybody! And you best act surprised!

And then they wonder why I don't share my secrets wholeheartedly with them!

But I love the fact that they love me enough to want to share!

Feeling Sorry For Myself

I'm telling it how it is.

TTOTM and I'm feeling lonely. All my friends are getting married and I'm not. :(

It's like they're moving on and I am being completely left behind!

The Same Old Story

I hate girls. I really do. OK, maybe hate is too strong a word but I really dislike them. And maybe girls is too much of a generalisation. Just RL. So basically I dislike RL.

B’s getting married (Whoooooooo!). It’s kind of happened quickly and I am soooooo pleased for her. RL and B have been getting on really well recently and I can wholeheartedly say that this does not bother me. Wholeheartedly.

So RL phoned me yesterday and this is our convo went:

RL: I just thought I’d call so we could squeal about B coz we haven’t really spoken about it
Me: Oh right. Yeah, I’m really pleased for her.
RL: *Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal*
Me: Yeah, I’m really happy for her. Sorry I’m not much of a squealer.
RL: Oh.
Me: I’m just sad that she’s going to move.
RL: (in what I think was a really patronizing voice): I know. It’s so sad. All your best friends are getting married! Are you OK?
Me: Yeah. I mean – *area where B is moving to* is only a few hours away and it’s not like I see B everyday anyway. Most of our friendship is over the phone. Besides – he seems really nice.
RL: Yeah, I haven’t met him yet.
Me: Me neither.
RL: Why don’t you come when I go to meet him then? I’m going to meet him the weekend after my birthday. Why don’t you come along?
Me: Erm… sure.
RL: Scrumps – are you busy? Do you need to go?
Me: Er.. Actually yeah, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you soon. *formalities of goodbyes and take cares*

So seriously – does she think that I am going to fall apart because my friends are getting married? Or the fact that she thinks she’ll meet my best friend’s fiancé before me?! Or the fact that she thinks I’m a squealer?! (I'm much more of a "woooooo hooooo" -er!

I’m being a bitch I know! But it's a vicious cycle - RL annoys me, I keep my distance, I feel bad, I initiate contact, she annoys me, I distance myself and so it continues.... But this time round, I've made the right decision. I'm just going to keep my contact to an absolute minimum - birthdays of mutual friends and the gazillions of weddings that I will have to go to this year!

Oh the dramas that are bound to ensue this year!

Uncool

Uncool is not a word. Microsoft Outlook tells me that!

A is getting married! (Have I mentioned this yet?!) Yep, this summer and I am excited! His bride-to-be (R) has a love for Krispy Kremes (most foods!) and we've hung out many times without him so I'm all for it! And she is sooo nice! I actually love her! :) Below is the majority of our email conversation from yesterday. (Sorry for not putting it up in the usual format - too much space otherwise!) As always - read from the bottom up!

(Background info - A and I are going out tomorrow night and R is in India trying to get bits and pieces for the wedding whilst dealing with a very unenthusiastic A! And the rude words are ****ed out because of work email related filters! And the fact that life as we both know it is kinda over (even though he bought me the box set a few weeks ago - awwwww!))

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From S To A: Well now you know! (No wonder we are uncool – we really need to get out more and maybe find quotes from more relevant and recent TV programmes!)

From A To S: Lol in the words of Phoebe…I have had a taste if my own medicine…and it is bitter!!!!

From S To A: I’m being mean?! It hurts doesn’t it when the shoe is on the other foot! Fighting fire with fire my friend! Fire with fire!!!!!!!!

From A To S: Lol…stop being mean innit?

From S To A: No you’re not. You are not nice enough! I hate you!

From A To S: Lol nooooooo!!!! In your face!!! Haha (ok now Im sorry)

From S To A: Are you?! Are you really?!

From A To S : Lol I am sorry!!!!

From S To A: :( You go back to being mean so easily!

From A To S: You are the only one that makes me look cool…haha

From S To A: Do you think I’m uncool?! Is this because I told you I watched Tamil serials?! OK – so you think I’m uncool – but you put up with me right? So it’s fine. If you really think I’m uncool then so be it. :(

From A To S: But I think you un-cool and vice versa…haha

From S To A: Lol. Oh, allow it then. An a-bomb will take out innocents too and the deluded (those who think we are cool!). So they think we’re not cool. Or even if they just think I’m not cool, there are only a handful of people whose opinions matter to me!

From A To S: We would need to drop an a-bomb man

From S To A: Oh that is unfortunate! Drive by?!

From A To S: There are too many of them…lol

From S To A: WHO?! WTF?! Tell me who those mofos are! :

From A To S: Yeh true…other people think we soo uncool tho!!!!

From S To A: Because we are comfortable with how uncool people may think we are. We don’t care if other people think we are not cool. We live our lives to our rules. And we’re bad! :)

From A To S: No y?

From S To A: But we are cool. And do you know why?!

From A To S: We need to become cooler man

From S To A: It’s amazing!

From A To S: That is marketing genius…awesome innit?

From S To A: Lol! We amuse ourselves with some pointless sh*t inna?! :S Yesterday I saw a scaffolding company’s van which said “Make sure your e**ction is in safe hands”. Made me laugh on the motorway – not good when you’re travelling at 100mph with dodgy tires!

From S To A: This is how the Tamil mind works! Awesome inna?! It’s like that cupboard that Monica has with all her junk!

From A To S: Yep lol…

From S To A: You’re going to put all the junk that’s taking up sleeping space into a cupboard?!

From A To S: No making space innit?

From S To A: Oh right! And by building a cupboard - how are you preparing the house for summer? Visiting mans aren’t going to sleep in it are they?! You need a sofa bed or something!

From A To S: No I mean we going sat…just to the party!!!!!!

From S To A: Seriously! Help the girl out. She’s paavam. It’s bad enough she’s dealing with you who has little interest!
So basically – the whole week you have been telling me about Sat this and Sat that and then you flop! You’re not going to be building a cupboard in the evening though are you?! DUST!

From A To S: How is it a flop…mans are getting house ready for summer innit? Bare long… Allow thoughtful…

The FAT Guy

No need for polite formalities now!

The fat guy said no. NO! Apparently he's not ready for marriage! Seriously?! So why the fuck are your parents looking? Maybe they were just being polite?! Maybe I just look like a hideous under the bridge kind of troll? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be?! Clearly my ego has taken a lil' bit of a bashing which my beautiful neighbour and Tylor more than made up for (thank you!) but still - rejection is a biatch!

Well, at least I don't have to worry about carting him off to the gym!

Anyways B is going on a "date" tonight and below follows our lil' email excerpt of the day!

Seriously though - sometimes I wonder at our single-dom

As always - read from the bottom up! :)

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From: B [mailto:b@work.com]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:33
To: Scrumpy
Subject: RE:

Eeeeew bad visuals!!! And no I think your an amazing kisser...er that sounds so wrong but if you kiss like you dance....Giiiiirl you got moves :o)

From: Scrumpy [mailto:scrumpy@work.co.uk]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:36
To: B
Subject: RE:

Lol. But that can improve right?
Maybe I’m the lame kisser?!
Maybe he was nervous?
Maybe I’m just so used to S and his kissing techniques (image you don’t need I know!) that I AM OFFICIALLY LAME!

From: B [mailto:b@work.com]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:30
To: Scrumpy
Subject: RE:

No your not cos he is a lame kisser remember!!

From: Scrumpy [mailto:scrumpy@work.co.uk]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:33
To: B
Subject: RE:

I can’t even get someone out of pity!
I’m just going to go out with my neighbour! :S

From: B [mailto:b@work.com]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:27
To: Scrumpy
Subject: RE:

Lol you didn’t want him anyway....you were just being polite, which is more then he deserved...iiiiidddddddiiiiiyat!!

From: Scrumpy [mailto:scrumpy@work.co.uk]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:30
To: B
Subject: RE:

And if all else fails – remember. I got rejected by a FAT guy!

From: B [mailto:b@work.com]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:23
To: Scrumpy
Subject: RE:

Lol this is why you are my best friend and I love you!! I wish you could come with me!! Ok so call me at 8pm and if I dont pick up that means its going well. If I do you may have to come rescue me....x

From: Scrumpy [mailto:scrumpy@work.co.uk]
Sent: 01 June 2009 14:26
To: B
Subject: RE:

Don’t be nervous! You are beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you. Remember – no pressure. It’s just drinks with a random.
At best – it leads to marriage!
At worst – you never have to see the weirdo again!
And you’ve been through worse my lovely!

From: B [mailto:b@work.com]
Sent: 01 June 2009 13:48
To: Scrumpy
Subject: RE:

Lol nope i am really nervous :o(

From: Scrumpy [mailto:scrumpy@work.co.uk]
Sent: 01 June 2009 13:51
To: B
Subject:

Are you ready?! (Said in Gladiator-esque tone!)