The Lesser of Two Evils

Marrying someone you're not in love with to escape an alcoholic parent?

or

Living with an alcoholic parent and wait to marry someone you love?

How Young

I don’t write about my sister much. In fact, I always group my siblings together and my brother gets mentioned more so than she does. The only reason is because he does more than she does.

My sister is a quiet soul. She’s calm and she doesn’t share too much. She’s a bit different to both me and my brother and would probably rather stay in as opposed to a night out (I’m the opposite most of the time).

My brother is in Canada at the moment with my dad. A holiday of convenience to get my dad out of the way so that we can redecorate our living room (and that saga will follow later!). It’s been tough – my sister and I definitely not cut out for manual labour! We’ve managed to strip the walls of wallpaper, get the plastering sorted (someone else did this!) and start painting.

Yesterday as me and my sister were painting, she opened up to me. I remember when she was 16, I found out she had a boyfriend. I went mad. Seriously. The role of the bigger sister has not shone as brightly as did that day. 16 is too young right? And he was 3 years older than her. It just wasn’t the done thing. I remember there were tantrums. My brother knew about it kinda. My parents were completely confused as to why none of us were talking to each other. I remember telling her that she I wouldn’t accept it. I remember her telling me that she’d always choose her family over him. And that she was sorry. There’d be nothing more about this “relationship”. He – a family friend who I’ve known just as long as my sister – someone whom to this day, I love dearly. So what was the problem? I really do believe she was too young.

Fast forward 8 years. They are still in each other’s lives. In fact – he is as much of our family as could be. But they have never pursued where they left off. Mainly because our family has so many issues with him. But now, my sister has grown up. Today is her 24th birthday. My beautiful baby sister. And whilst we were painting yesterday she spoke of how she feels about him. How he feels about her and what path she could take. The fact that we can share such things over such random activities brings smiles and tears – happy emotional tears.

And to me, that is what makes what we have special.

To my beautiful baby sister – Happy Birthday my fatty!

x

Status Update

The weekend was spent celebrating Appa's 60th. It meant that the alcoholic parent (AP) could have a field day. Saturday was spent with a few of his friends and their families. Families meaning their young children. Entertaining and playing host is hard enough for me and siblings when we're running in and out of the kitchen trying to feed people, pour drinks and even make a cup of tea. But when we're faced with 4 year olds, as good as we are with children, we just don't have enough toys in our house to keep them entertained! The AP was on good form though. Drank, chatted and managed to take themselves off to bed without ruining it for everyone.

The Sunday was family day. I love coming from a big family. Don't get me wrong it has its disadvantages - plenty of them but I have so many cousins and aunts and uncles with whom I get along well and enjoy seeing every once in a while! Highlight of my day was looking for my Sithappa (who had a bit too much to drink) and finding him passed out on my brother's bed! I'll upload a photo of the beautiful cake that I had made.

I have a new job. In fact, I've had it since before Christmas but I haven't started yet. I start next week and guess what? They're sending me to Switzerland for training purposes! How exciting is that? I've never been in a foreign city by myself though and the idea is a lil' daunting!

And I have a blind date on Saturday.

Clearly I wouldn't have been able to fit this all onto my FB status update!

Appa

Dearest Appa,

Happy 60th Birthday.

I know the chances of you reading this are non existant but you're 60 - it's ok, you don't need to know how to use a computer! Besides, that's what you bore 3 children for!

Lots of love

Me, x

Numbers

Sometimes I think that my family would be better off being a family of 4....

Give & Take

You know when you give and you give and you give? And they take and they take and they take?

And you have nothing left to give and yet they still try to take?

Yeah.

The Simple Things

It was a long weekend here this weekend. Don't you just love it when you get an extra day of laying in for no apparent reason?!

I feel asleep on the sofa late Sunday afternoon (clearly doing nothing exhausts me!). I could hear my siblings chattering in the background - making fun of me for falling asleep in 10 minutes (it's a talent of mine!). Clearly not a deep sleep but it was so nice to just close my eyes.

I remember my parents "Awww" ing over me. Me mumbling something about my feet being cold and my father covering me with the sleeping bag.

I remember my mum telling me to go and sleep in my bed. She always worries that I'll get some crick in my neck that I'll never get rid off making it even harder for her to marry me off (well she never said that but you know...!)!

And I remember my sister kissing me on my cheek repetitively and encouraging my brother to do it as well. Both of them laughing at my semi state of consciousness and kissing either cheek. I think they were willing me to wake up in a bid to entertain them.

It is the very simple things that make me smile and as I sit here and type; I can't help but do just that.

Happy Monday People! :)

My FB Status

Says "It's not that I don't trust you, I just can't depend on you."

B called me the other night not long after I published the last post. And she basically said that I had told A her business. Obviously I didn't. You'd think that after however many years of friendship, she wouldn't have to question that but she did.

If only she knew that A doesn't give a shit which is why she never comes up in our conversations (they had a falling out about 6 weeks ago!).

But question it she did. Emotional as I am, I basically told her that I hate having to prove myself to her constantly. Over and over again that I am going to tell her shit to other people. Why would I do that?! Does she think that once she's told me, I go out thinking "So let me go and tell everyone coz I've nothing else to do!"?! It's bollocks really.

She also said that she feels as though I put A before her. Not true if you ask me because of the countless occasions that I have been there when I could have been with A. The fucking paranoia and jealousy is beyond my amusement now. Seriously. Get over it. If you don't get along with him, fair enough. I haven't asked you two to be friends.

The thing is, I know how pathetic this all sounds. Right now, I just want my own time and space.

Last night, I went through some pretty rubbish shit. Nothing to do with this. Family and business issues in which threats were made, property was damaged and police were called.
You know when you can't talk to adults to make them see sense - to show them that even though you may not want to do it - there is only one feasible option and it's the best.

The threat making people are serious. Do you know how much I begged and cried my heart out last night to make sure that they didn't hurt you? To buy that little bit of extra time and say that I will find the money. I will give it to them so that your pride doesn't get your property further damaged, your children hurt or whatever else there could be.

I'm a mess at the moment and the people that I should have been able to turn to aren't there. As you do get older (and yes I'm old!), you see things a lot clearer. You can't trust or depend upon anyone other than yourself.

I'm not bitter - just honest.