Done

OK. I've done it. Created a WordPress blog. I really don't want to leave blogger but I feel as though my siblings might have stumbled across this one and well, I want to be able to write freely without them knowing everything there is to know. So password protecting those posts which divulge just a little too much is better than privating the whole blog.

I've moved. To here. Please could you update your blog rolls and rss feeds and other stuff that I don't really get!

It is a work in progress but I really need to publish a certain post!

Blogger - for allowing to me to say what I wanted when I needed to - thank you.

ETA: Email me (with your blogging pseudonym because chances are I won't know you by your real names - scrumpulicious@hotmail.co.uk) for the password or leave a comment with your email address.

Moving

To Wordpress. So I can password protect my posts! But in the interim, I might just go private for a little while.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

SARAH!!!!!

Can I have permission to read your blog please?!

Sorry for the overdramatics (is that even a word?!) but I had no other way to contact you! :)

*blush*

Ten on Tuesday

I thought I’d do start doing this (well I’d do it today and see how it goes from there!) and I’m doing it on Wednesday so I am late (almost fashionably but not quite) as always! I’ll probably pick up on the 30 Days challenges in about 6 months!

1. If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be? Remember the Titans – because against all adversity, it shows us that there is good in the world. And we can change something if we believe in it enough.

2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why? I'm going to say Anne Hathaway though I don't have a reason for it!

3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters? Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves – And I remember the AP turning up wasted halfway through. Good times!

4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school? Not in middle or high school but first year of uni. “Make out” is a bit of an understatement…..

5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?) For legal reasons – none of the above.

6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with. Ian Somerholder. Do I need a reason? Enough said.

7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Oh God. So many but one that sticks out in my mind over the last couple of years is Be Kind, Rewind. It was just a pointless film if you ask me.

8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go? Always! Snacks are overpriced at the cinema. You pay extortionate prices to see a film and then have to pay even more extortionate prices to eat that junk?! No thank you.

9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it? Love it!

10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion? Sleeping Beauty. I love the three fairy godmothers!

NYE

Wow - New Years Eve. I feel as though it's come around too quickly. This is only going to be a small reflective post. I mean - you guys have been through most of it with me.

I cried my final tears for S yesterday. No more for 2011 I told myself. Not promising but hoping.

It wasn't a bad year. January saw me start a new job and February saw the first of my business trips with a stint in Basel. It also saw the eldest of my baby cousins start his travelling. 10 months later, he's now in Australia and I miss him immensely but with Skype, his blog, Twitter, Facebook, his random texts and a trip to Oz hopefully planned for Summer 2011, I know that he's doing ok. March saw me turn another year older and not so wiser. Betty decided that her time was coming and I was distraught!

April saw me dating (which clearly didn't work out!) and May saw another business trip in Dublin. How excited was I?! Only to not see any of Dublin (I barely saw my hotel room) working 17 hour days! But making myself indispensable at work will hopefully have have good things in store for 2011! June saw a lot of redecorating at home, some hen dos and bridesmaid outfit fittings.

July saw a whole load of weddings. In fact, that is the only thing July really saw. Ooooh and Jay Z at Wireless (plus a whole heap of other celebs!)! Ooooh and the purchase of Hector (my new car!). And then we reach August. August was a shitty month (11 posts in one month can testify to that!). Having my heart broken once and for all proved a lil' too much for me. My emotions ran wild and I was a wreck. Never had I depended on my siblings or my friends as much as I did then. Hindsight is a great thing and looking back I have a few unanswered questions - to myself but I'll deal with those as and when. September saw a continuation of August. Let's be fair - having someone in your life for 10 years and then leave will take a while to come to terms with right?

The last three months saw me fly a lot! October saw me take a trip to Frankfurt which tested my patience with family! November saw me in Athens which tested my patience with friends(!) and December saw a trip to Budapest with a new friend (all of which need photos I know!).

And here we are. I can only go into this new year optimistic. So my friends are hooking up and falling by the wayside but that doesn't mean it's my time. And I don't have to live by anybody else's time lines. New Year resolutions will be made (and most likely broken!) but my heart will be on my sleeve just as it always has been. If I get hurt - then hopefully I'll learn from it.

To all of you that read this blog. It'll be 3 years old in January. What I started out as a lil' bit of fun because I was bored at work has become such a part of my life. In turn as have you those that read and comment. For all your kind words during the year - my words can do you no justice but thank you.

Happy New Year to all. I hope that 2011 is filled with much happiness, laughter, good times, good fortune and love.

Another One

I started another blog today. One that I can write without telling anybody. Password protect even. Because sometimes, you need to write just to cleanse the soul.

ETA: I'm not deserting this one - I just need somewhere else to write certain things...

Too Much?

For me, this blog offers an outlet. Blogging allows me to express myself.


But reading back on some of my posts - I wonder if I should have wrote what I did. Cathartic as it is, it only seems to remind me of how I felt. Opening up old wounds. Reminding me of how things were. Questioning how things could have been.


Am I doing the right thing by putting it all out here? Or should I have not wrote anything at all? Could it be that if there's no evidence of it, then the memories will be easier to forget?

More importantly - do I want to forget?

Raising A Smile

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-11137903

For Darwin, Pseudo and any other geeks!

Hurt

It’s been a week now since I found out. And for the first four days, I was an emotional wreck. Bursting into tears at any given moment. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t tell anyone for the first two days apart from those that read the blog. Telling them made it real. But then I realised that I couldn’t do it on my own. So I told my siblings. My brother first seeing as he was around. God, that was hard. My siblings have always liked you. I wasn’t able to stop the tears. And then my sister, later on that night once she was around. My sister (being the feisty girl she is), did not mince her words. I think sometimes you need tough love to help you come to term with things. She called you all kinds of names. It didn’t ease the hurt any less but I knew I was loved. Not the love that is offered from a companion but unconditional love from my family. And yet it still hurt and the tears kept coming. The worst was trying not to let Amma see me cry. That night, after I told my siblings, my sister went to work and I remember my brother giving me the biggest hug whilst I cried on his shoulder. And still it hurt.

Amma knows now as well, I think she would have like to have seen us end up together but it’s enough with just my humiliation. I don’t want her to say anything to you and be humiliated also. There’s nothing like a hug from your mum when you’re heartbroken to comfort. And still it hurt.

The weekend came and with nothing to do but wallow, I tried to keep the tears at bay. I wanted to call you. I needed to call you. My brother didn’t leave me alone the whole day. It was almost like I was on suicide watch (no offence). The tears flowed every now and then and I was an emotional wreck. I think what I’ll miss is the fact that I will have no one to call when the AP goes into extreme mode. No one else I know that can relate or talk to about it without judgement. But I will find someone. So you called me on Saturday. To gloat? Most probably not. And I answered. I didn’t cry. I tried again to understand your reasoning. I don’t want a wedding invitation of that I am sure. The goodbye was abrupt. Your battery died before I had a chance to make that complete closure but the intention on my part was clear. And with the feeling of a weight starting to lift, it still hurt but a little less.

Both A and B know now as well. B has never liked you. Thought you were never good enough for me. Couldn’t understand what I saw in you.
A on the other hand wanted us to have a fairytale ending. We were his very own Ross and Rachel. He can’t see why you’ve made this decision. To be fair, I’m not sure anyone can apart from yourself. But you have. And he thinks you’ve “flopped”, which are comforting words to hear on my part. Despite their supporting words, it still hurt. But again, a little bit less.

I have been a right saddo and Googled “inspiration quotes to get over heartbreak” (you can laugh at me), but I have read some words that have made me feel better. I’ve read articles on how to get over it. To let go. And I’ve made a list. The one that these articles tell you to make. It’s what Ross did with Rachel and Julie. I can’t say that it fared well for you.
But let’s face it, compared to what some people are going through in the world, what I'm going through pales in comparison. And with that perspective, it’s hurts that little bit less.

The items associated with memories are slowly being discarded. Some in the bin and some will be given back to you. Some I’ll keep because they’ll remind me that I’ve loved wholeheartedly. And it hurts. And it will continue to hurt but in time, it’ll get easier. I truly believe that. I have to believe that. Because if I don’t, I wouldn’t be me. And being me is more important than believing in what could have been.

To all of you – I can’t thank you enough for the comments that you have left me. Seriously. I know I am emotional (overly sometimes), but your words have been an immense help and by reading them (repeatedly!), it comforts me that there are people whom I’ve never met that are so kind. Thank you.

Words Won't Do.

Never underestimate the power of kindness of strangers.

Ass Kissing

There's so much of it around.

Rumour Mill

2+2=5?!

OK - so I'm a lil' bit of a gossip but sometimes I read some blogs and then I read some other blogs and then I read some more blogs and I can't help but think if any of those that I have read are directing their posts at the others that I have read.

Confused?

Basically I'm just suspicious of who's getting it on in the blogosphere!

And then there are those that I want to be getting it on in the blogosphere!

Maybe I'm just reading too much into things....

Twenty Ten

Are you going to say "Two thousand and ten" or "twenty ten"?

Two thousand and nine (coz let's face it - no one said twenty o nine!) hasn't been great but it hasn't been bad.

I have poured my heart out on this blog. And I can only tell you that twenty ten (coz that's how I'm going to say it!) will probably consist of the same. In fact, my first angst ridden post will probably be written tomorrow telling you the antics of my alcoholic parent!

For me, the lows of the last year have been eased in the knowledge that there are strangers out there - bloggers in fact that take the time to read, comment and just have a spare thought for me.

Thank you.

But now for a new year and a new decade, I hope that you have a good one.

Props

The new header image thingy - you see it?

Courtesy of ~ lo$t $oul ~ who clearly has too much time on his hands but is using it very wisely! Props to you!

Thank you! It was a very sweet gesture. :)

To Be 16 Again

I was tagged by our favourite Jack following the most recent tag to hit the blogosphere: A letter to your sweet 16.

Dearest Fudge (lame ass nickname that I will discuss below!)

Firstly – your life is not over because your parents are not letting you go on the water sports trip to Spain. You won’t “hate them forever” and you’ll find out that it wasn’t as good as the one that you went on when you were 14 (clearly because you weren’t there!).

Now just because your high school crush has decided to give you the nickname “Fudge”, it is NOT cool! Try to move away from that identity. Talking of your crush, yes, he is beautiful and yes he will be the first guy you take home to meet your parents. And he will have exemplary behaviour when he meets your dad but it won’t work out. After all, you’re 16 and you both move on.

Keep studying. I know at the moment it seems like people are taking advantage of you being one of the few that completes their homework but it will pay off. You will earn the label of being a “cool geek” (and yes, such a thing is possible!) – be proud. There are not many people who could pull it off like you can. Don’t regret not taking history and think carefully about your A-Level choices. Chemistry is a given and maths is something you grow to love but biology?! Definitely reconsider that option. But if you don’t do it, you miss out on the field trip with the hottest Tamil boy you will probably ever come to meet! Try not to let your hormones rule your head! (What am I am saying?! You’re 16; your hormones will definitely rule your head!)

Your parents will decide that you need to move house. Don’t fret about losing your friends. You stay at the same school and keep your friends. Talking of friends – there will be a whole lot of drama that you need to deal with. Your role of playing the agony aunt; the confidant; remains the same up until the point at which I write this letter to you. You will go through teenage abortions (Don’t freak out – not yourself personally!), student – teacher trysts amongst other illegal issues you swear yourself to secrecy.

The move will open your eyes to all things Sri Lankan. You will move to a part of London where there are considerably more Tamils than where you currently live. And yes, random Tamil guys will try and follow you home but walking faster does not help you avoid them!
Think twice before beeping that horn at that cute Tamil guy. He’s only after one thing and you’re not going to give it to him. And he’ll only make your life hell once you reject him.

You may think that the age gap between your siblings and you will cause you all to never understand each other but you will see in time that they become your biggest support and helping hands. Your parents surprisingly become a lot more understanding. Lie to your parents about clubbing. What they don't know won't hurt them. You'll be surprised at how good you get at this!

When you’re taking that driving test – do not speed up in the left hand lane – you aren’t “supposed” to overtake on the left and it takes a lot to convince the driving examiner that that’s not what you were doing!

Don’t think you’re not beautiful. You may not have the interest that your peers may have from boys but believe me it’s for the best. You will meet that special somebody and he will (at the time) be a cut above the rest and you will be glad you waited. Not just for the relationship but also for the sex! The sex. Phew. Thank yourself that you didn’t have sex at 16. No way were you mature enough to handle the emotional-ness (yes that’s a word) that comes with doing “it”! And that special somebody will make you feel so unbelievably special whilst doing “it” that you are thankful that you didn’t succumb to all those who attempted to get into your panties!

Take the job at the bookies – no matter how daunting it might sound. It will help you learn to love yourself and your new found confidence changes who you will become. Flirt to your heart's content – you will know where to draw the line.

You will lose the tom-boy of who you are and despite not becoming the essence of femininity, you learn to use what you have to your advantage (the flirting once again) and become super emotional. Don’t hide that. Make use of your boobs. Flashing a lil' bit of that cleavage leaves a lot to the imagination and gets you served at the bar a lot quicker!

Travel. Travel as much as you can afford to. Your first trip away with the girls introduces you to B. She will become a rock in your life. Never be afraid to try out new things and make sure you do the sky dive! You'll know what I mean!

And last but by no means least, wear your heart on your sleeve and smile. Whatever happens makes you who you are.

With all my love
Lloyd (your new and much cooler nickname!)
x

P.S. Start a blog! It will become a part of your life that you will grow to treasure!

Apologies for the length - clearly I had a lot to tell myself at 16!

I hereby tag Santhoshi and Pseudo. And whoever else wants to do it (sorry RD - had to change the rules slightly!).
ETA: And tagging Angel! :)

The Darkside

Thank you for your email this morning.

Tags that make you think

There is something to be said about the "tag-fests" that ensue within my lil' blogging world. As much as I love being tagged (the sense of inclusion), it makes me think faaaar more than I want to!

Thank you to Santhoshi and Dili for tagging me - here goes!

Love is:

• A comfortable silence.
• Playing Guitar Hero with siblings.
• Tears with no explanations.
• Your male best friend texting you every other day whilst you are away asking when you're coming back!
• Always being your parents' little girl.
• No morning after regrets on a wild night out with your best friend.
• Holding back the hair and back rubbing as you throw up after a wild night out!
• Late night pillow talks.
• 1 Corinthians: 13

And let the tag fest continue (if you've already been tagged - apologies!):

Kalu, Gehan, Zé Doc and Rine.

Cliques

No matter how hard you (I) try, you (I) just won't ever be a part of it.

Their loss.

The Happenings

What is it about men who can play a musical instrument and/or sing that just makes them so damn HOT talented?! I may have met the hottest most talented guy I know (no it wasn't Mr Darkside - sorry Gehan!) on my recent trip but more about that later.

I am back from India and have a whole load of posts and blogs to catch up on. Those who have been blogging far too often - geeee thanks! I have to read all your posts and comments to get some small idea of what's been going on. Those of you who haven't - I couldn't love you more! :)

And I go away for 4 weeks and so much happens - bloody hell! Especially when there's been a wedding! Congratulations Isheeta! :)

India review/photos coming very shortly.

Definitions

Holier than thou or another definition of it here

Righteous

Interesting......