Broken English

My dad is slightly sick. He’s been given a cold and he’s also developed some kind of pain in his upper arm.

Last night he was talking to my mum and I heard her start laughing.

“Why didn’t you say Andy Murray then?!”

Apparently my dad was saying “Anty Mortay” which my mum interpreted as “antibiotics” and she only cottoned on that he didn’t mean antibiotics when he said the word tennis.

Slightly worrying because my dad has lived in the country now for nearly 40 years! :S

Reflection

The AP is in full flow. And it brings out the worst in me.

Because I look at myself and wonder why things are the way they are. Why I'm the way I am. And I'm just not happy with what I see.

And I realise that I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face to everybody that it's destroying me even more.

Amma-isms

I have road rage. It's a proven fact.

Yesterday - the whole of my area was gridlocked because of some damn traffic lights that haven't been working now for 4 days! Seriously - why do I pay council tax if you guys can't fix things?!

I was in a rush to get to the hardware store to buy some more paint so that I could paint the skirting board before the carpet gets fitted (this morning!). So you can imagine that my patience was at an all time low.

As I indicated to turn left, the car behind refused to give way (some posh sports car that was very big!). Cue me getting irate.

I try not to swear when Amma is in the car but yesterday I couldn't help myself.

"Oh you f***ing w***er! I hope you can f***ing lip read you motherf***er! With your big ass car!" And I continued effing and blinding for about 5 minutes (thoroughly pissed off!).

About 10 minutes later, I must have been talking about some other man and my Amma who pays no attention to me (clearly!) goes " Who? That wonka?!" and points to the car who refused to give way earlier!

Cheered me up no end.

Appa

Dearest Appa,

Happy 60th Birthday.

I know the chances of you reading this are non existant but you're 60 - it's ok, you don't need to know how to use a computer! Besides, that's what you bore 3 children for!

Lots of love

Me, x

Disbelief!

My parents have been looking for a groom for me. That's fine. I can deal with that. I mean, what do I have to lose right? Besides, it's whichever one comes first and right now - the suitors lining up my door (all two of them) are not really prospective grooms. So I'm letting Amma and Appa (but mainly Amma!) do what they need to do. And also, arranged marriage is different to forced marriage. The way I see it is - it's the same sort of thing as my friend's trying to set me up!

Anyways - things have started rolling now. My Amma being the non social butterfly and not knowing anybody (the benefits being no one can gossip back to her about my antics, the drawbacks being what will follow!) has resorted to some crazy tactics about letting the world know that she has a single eligible daughter ready to be carted off. I'm too scared now to answer the house phone for fear of talking to somebody who's the parent of a potential groom, she keeps pestering my siblings to open up a profile for me on all matrimonial sites from here to Timbuktu and last but not least she has advertised in the matrimonial column of a Tamil newspaper! Stop laughing - it's really not funny!

And recently, my siblings have had to set up an email account for her to deal with the influx (OK - who am I kidding?! The few!) emails. My siblings were telling me about a potential boy they'd found. My mum had been conversing with his parents and they seemed to like each other. Photos were exchanged. This is the scary part. Not being the most confident of people - I am surprised if someone finds me attractive. Yeah, I get by but not amongst my own if that makes sense.

Having not had the Internet for a few days, I didn't the picture of the groom until yesterday. (Let me quickly tell you another story kind of related. My parents had previously tried this about three years ago. And the description of the photo of the guy as my siblings put it: "He looks like a professor!". There is nothing wrong with that at all but being faced with that statement and that photo (he had a tweed jacket on with elbow pads) in your early 20s kinda makes you say no. I'm not shallow but he wasn't my type!)
I kept asking my siblings if he was better or worse than the professor (who had become our reference point it seemed!) and they wouldn't comment.
Opening the photo, I was met with a LARGE guy. Now I'm not stick thin (if only!) but this guy was large. My initial reaction was "He's large. Tall and nice enough looking but large" (Obviously in my head). I could feel my siblings watching my as I took in the photo.
"So?" says my sister.
"So?" says I.
"What are you going to do?" asks my brother.
"I'll talk to him and see what he's like" I reply.

And in slow motion I see my brother turn around and face me with his jaw wide open and ask "WHAT?!". He didn't seem to be able to believe that I'd even said that!! And so I clarified for him again.
To which he replied "Just tell them you're not interested. Amma and Appa have already decided anyways!".
I'm still trying to get them to at least let me talk to him - what do I have to lose?!

And that is how it's going so far!

The Simple Things

It was a long weekend here this weekend. Don't you just love it when you get an extra day of laying in for no apparent reason?!

I feel asleep on the sofa late Sunday afternoon (clearly doing nothing exhausts me!). I could hear my siblings chattering in the background - making fun of me for falling asleep in 10 minutes (it's a talent of mine!). Clearly not a deep sleep but it was so nice to just close my eyes.

I remember my parents "Awww" ing over me. Me mumbling something about my feet being cold and my father covering me with the sleeping bag.

I remember my mum telling me to go and sleep in my bed. She always worries that I'll get some crick in my neck that I'll never get rid off making it even harder for her to marry me off (well she never said that but you know...!)!

And I remember my sister kissing me on my cheek repetitively and encouraging my brother to do it as well. Both of them laughing at my semi state of consciousness and kissing either cheek. I think they were willing me to wake up in a bid to entertain them.

It is the very simple things that make me smile and as I sit here and type; I can't help but do just that.

Happy Monday People! :)

Emotional Posts

I really shouldn't write blog posts when I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out.

How is it that a few words can be so hurtful?

Do I take things too much to heart? Perhaps.

I know every family has it's ups and downs. And I know that there are people out there who are going through so much worse if not more.

But how many times can I only be one parent's daughter? What kinda conception does that make me? Or did the stork just drop me off?

Your Daughter

*Disclaimer*: Highly (overdue) angst post to follow!

I think I've mentioned somewhere on here before that I have an alcoholic parent (AP). The AP and I have never got along. I guess that's just the way it's meant to be in our house. We're so similar you see. If you believe in all that numerology stuff, you could say it's because we're the same number. Or it's because the AP has raised me and and certain aspects of their personality have rubbed off on me. Whatever the reason may be, we don't get along.
It doesn't help matters that the non alcoholic parent (NAP) is quite defenceless when dealing with the AP.

The AP shows their love for my siblings so much more than for me. It's probably because they always give in and fund the AP for their habit. Or because they let the AP get on with their stuff when drunk. I don't know but for whatever reason, it always end up coming back to me.

I am the cause the of everything.

"Your daughter...." AP tells NAP.

"Everything that goes wrong is because of your daughter."

"She's the one who's going to be downfall of this family."

"Either she goes or I go."

And blah blah blah. Tell me something that I haven't already heard before.

AP wasn't always like this. There was a time when I would stay out of their way and things would flow that little bit more smoothly in our house. But nowadays, it's like AP picks a fight with me. Knowing that with just that little bit more persistent goading, I'll give in and retaliate.

I try so hard not. Believe me. I've even taken to leaving the house and walk the streets until I know that enough time has passed for AP to calm down or fall asleep. Anything to spare NAP and siblings what I know will follow. The ranting about how I'm such a disappointment and that I'll bring shame to the family with the amount of guys I'm supposedly with! It's something that I've heard repetitively but something that doesn't hurt any less when it gets shouted out there in the open.

The thing is, I don't know how much AP remembers the following morning. If I try to avoid them and not talk to them, I can hardly help myself because when AP is sober, they're back to being the parent I remember from my childhood.

Oops!

I may have just booked my next holiday without planning to! Not such a bad thing I hear you cry.... Well, I haven't told my parents yet! :S

Doing So Well

I was doing so well. Moving on with stuff. Even getting my life into gear perhaps.

I accepted what I'd known for months - I hate my job. And rather than suffer (and believe me, it's a slow and painful suffering!), I became very pro active and started looking and applying for new jobs. I had an interview and several rejections. Which I didn't take too badly. Why? Because I decided that if I hadn't found a new job by December (which is only 3 months away), that I would go travelling for 3 months or so. Where? Central/South America. I think my desire to travel and do my own thing is becoming quite overwhelming so I need to get it out of my system. Especially since the 'rents are telling to me go and get married. Sometimes, I wish it would be easier if they just found me someone!

It's easier said than done as well. I mean - I'm not high maintenance and in a city where the population is about 8 million, how can I not find a tall, handsome man?! I was doing so well as well - I haven't spoken to S for about 6 weeks (big deal for us!) and I thought I was getting over my crush but after Saturday night, it seems as though all I did was try and bury my feelings. It's not like he's a great catch but he's fun. The best thing about a night out is getting food afterwards. And that's what we did - and we chatted for about 3 hours. I've missed him. We hadn't spoken like this for a while and it made me see why I did/do (I'm just as confused as you are!) have feelings for him.
I thought all was lost. I mean, I'd been doing so well. But I saw him yesterday as well and I realised why I am trying to get him out of my system - because he's an asshole! And asshole behaviour is not attractive - despite men thinking that most women fall for the asshole bad boy types!

Don't get me wrong - I appreciate what I've got - an amazing family, some of the bestest friends, a job (even if it is shit!) that pays and more. But sometimes I want the companionship that's offered from a relationship. Is that too much to ask?

Memories Are

• Star gazing on a roof top terrace in Cuba and seeing shooting stars.
• Playing Macgyver in my aunt's back garden and crawling through the hole in the fence - times when getting covered in dirt didn't matter!
• My brother and sister thinking that flashing lights from oncoming vehicles in Nuwera Eliya (in the mountains) were strikes of lightning!
• Late night phone calls to that someone special.
• Getting ready with the girls for a night out.
• Building the shed with Appa.
• Family barbecues.
• Sandwiched between Amma and Chithy on a trans-Atlantic flight.
• Laughing at random Tamil films.
• All 5 friends in one car getting road rage.
• Driving around a roundabout the wrong way in a foreign country.
• Water fights at the height of Summer randomly in parks/streets!
• Bouncy castles at Winter balls.
• Backstreet Boys concerts.
• Getting a foot massage in a cab (not from the driver!) after a night out.
• Walking in the rain.
• Reaching my 50th post!