Scrumpy the Speeder

I sometimes speed but I'm not a big fan of speeders. You know, them racing about on A roads, dodging and weaving through traffic just to go and stop at a traffic light and have us all catch up with them. But that and my road rage is another post altogether.

So what speeders you ask? Well, last night I went speed dating. Not any kind of speed dating though - Muslim speed dating. The thing is (please don't judge me - well not yet anyways), I'm not Muslim. No - far from it. So what compelled me to go? B is Muslim and I guess if it was for me she'd do the same thing. She was adamant that I go to support her. I couldn't just watch from the sides. No - I had to take part! I really didn't want to because I couldn't justify it.

So many reasons not to - I was taking up the ticket of someone who really needed/wanted to be there, I'm not Muslim, they'll hate me, God will strike me down.. you know that kinda thing. However, 10 years of friendship was at stake. So despite being a completely and utter lame ass for going, at least we've established that I am a great friend!

For someone who wasn't taking it seriously, I was faaaaar too nervous - I guess I wanted at least one person to tick me! Arriving at the place - it was nice to see that there were quite a few people were there. Between both of us, we were nervous but I think it was a case - at least we're doing it together!

As we walked in, about 20 pairs of eyes seemed to focus in our direction. For me, this was the hardest bit. It was literally like being in a meat market! And then the gong sounded - time to start. So my respective number sat opposite me. NEVER has 3 minutes seemed like such a long time. But it was my first one - so I gave it 110% effort. I asked him his name, what he did, his hobbies, what he likes to do, where he was from. I was smiley and polite, I made him smile (I think my sarcasm was wasted on him!), a good effort on my part. He, on the other hand, was very shy. One word answers and kinda intense in that he gave me his number there and then. Definitely not a tick for you my friend!
B got him next and the look on her face after their 3 minutes was up was absolutely priceless! Between us we had his number, email addresses and website...

And so it continued - another 12 dates and some of the longest 3 minutes of my life, I still hadn't ticked anybody. This was a dilemma in itself. Do I tick anyone at all? What would they think if i gave them a blank piece of paper? That I was up my own ass? And whilst these thoughts sounded, the break had finished. Damn - still another 12 to go. My voice hoarse from shouting across the table at my "date", I was looking forward to it finishing!

And then he sat down - a beautiful guy. Not my type physically at all but he made conversation, he was well spoken, and he didn't ask me what I did. Instead we tested each other's knowledge of capital cities, he told me a few jokes, and we laughed. The best date by far! This had to be the one for B because ultimately, he was nice! A few more OK ish dates ensued. OK - this isn't so bad I thought to myself until disaster struck again. He just didn't talk. At all! It was like he wanted to be anywhere but there. There was a point about 45 seconds (but seemed like 10 minutes) into the conversation where I thought to myself - if I don't say anything then we'll just in silence for the next 2 minutes. So I made an effort. And good God, it was sooo hard! Luckily it wasn't just me, B had the same problem so I just wondered why turn up if you're not going to make an effort?!

And so as the dating came to an end - I still had a blank piece of paper!
"Tick someone!" B says. "You can't hand in a blank piece of paper!"

Should I tick someone? I didn't know what to do so I ticked the guy who didn't say anything to me the whole night and the hot guy in the hope that they wouldn't have ticked me and hopefully I won't get any matches!

The whole thing was completely daunting but it's something that I would consider doing again. If only just to meet some new people and have fun.

B has promised that next time that I don't have to participate - watching and cheering her on from the sidelines is enough.