NYE

Wow - New Years Eve. I feel as though it's come around too quickly. This is only going to be a small reflective post. I mean - you guys have been through most of it with me.

I cried my final tears for S yesterday. No more for 2011 I told myself. Not promising but hoping.

It wasn't a bad year. January saw me start a new job and February saw the first of my business trips with a stint in Basel. It also saw the eldest of my baby cousins start his travelling. 10 months later, he's now in Australia and I miss him immensely but with Skype, his blog, Twitter, Facebook, his random texts and a trip to Oz hopefully planned for Summer 2011, I know that he's doing ok. March saw me turn another year older and not so wiser. Betty decided that her time was coming and I was distraught!

April saw me dating (which clearly didn't work out!) and May saw another business trip in Dublin. How excited was I?! Only to not see any of Dublin (I barely saw my hotel room) working 17 hour days! But making myself indispensable at work will hopefully have have good things in store for 2011! June saw a lot of redecorating at home, some hen dos and bridesmaid outfit fittings.

July saw a whole load of weddings. In fact, that is the only thing July really saw. Ooooh and Jay Z at Wireless (plus a whole heap of other celebs!)! Ooooh and the purchase of Hector (my new car!). And then we reach August. August was a shitty month (11 posts in one month can testify to that!). Having my heart broken once and for all proved a lil' too much for me. My emotions ran wild and I was a wreck. Never had I depended on my siblings or my friends as much as I did then. Hindsight is a great thing and looking back I have a few unanswered questions - to myself but I'll deal with those as and when. September saw a continuation of August. Let's be fair - having someone in your life for 10 years and then leave will take a while to come to terms with right?

The last three months saw me fly a lot! October saw me take a trip to Frankfurt which tested my patience with family! November saw me in Athens which tested my patience with friends(!) and December saw a trip to Budapest with a new friend (all of which need photos I know!).

And here we are. I can only go into this new year optimistic. So my friends are hooking up and falling by the wayside but that doesn't mean it's my time. And I don't have to live by anybody else's time lines. New Year resolutions will be made (and most likely broken!) but my heart will be on my sleeve just as it always has been. If I get hurt - then hopefully I'll learn from it.

To all of you that read this blog. It'll be 3 years old in January. What I started out as a lil' bit of fun because I was bored at work has become such a part of my life. In turn as have you those that read and comment. For all your kind words during the year - my words can do you no justice but thank you.

Happy New Year to all. I hope that 2011 is filled with much happiness, laughter, good times, good fortune and love.

Happy Times

I used to work with this beautiful Mauritian guy (JB). Honestly, I remember the first time he walked into the shop I worked at and from then on, every Saturday I looked forward to knowing that I would see him. He was so hot and of course he had that French Creole accent going on so I pretty much melted every time he spoke. Which unfortunately wasn't that much because he was quite quiet but I made the most of it. It wasn't a secret that I thought he was beautiful and my manager at the time (when he himself wasn't sexually harassing "flirting" with me!) had great fun making us both feel quite uncomfortable. There came a point where JB asked me out to the cinema so I agreed. We went to see a Hindi film. With no English subtitles. Which basically meant I sat there whispering into his ear asking questions about the plot line!

The time came for me to leave my Saturday job - and I was sad to be leaving JB. We'd begun to get along really well. As I was getting ready to leave, in walks JB with a beautiful bunch of roses. I wasn't as emotional then as I am now but I was so touched. I still have those dried roses!

And then JB had to go back to Mauritius. We kept in touch and I thought to myself that I would have somewhere to stay if I ever visited the place!

Last September I received a phone call. A number I didn't recognise. And it was JB! He was back to do his MSc. YAY!

Despite our random FB messages, we only managed to meet up yesterday. Lunch and a movie followed by a romantic friendly walk around Covent Garden. He told me there would be reindeer there! Whilst I was watching a street performer, he told me to wait there and he was going to look for them. He came back with a paper bag.

S: What did you get?

JB: A pretzel. I was hungry!

S: We just ate! How are you hungry?

JB: Do you want some?

S: No thank you.

JB: Well I had mine - this one is for you.

And then he promptly handed me the bag. And it wasn't a pretzel. It was a cuddly toy!

And I melted some more. *swoon*

Pre-Christmas Gripe

I know I haven't blogged but it's been a busy month and I have yet to upload my Athens or Budapest photos but those posts will follow over the next few days (she said quite optimistically!).

Athens was interesting - and here comes my gripe. Recently heartbroken girl (me btw!), newly married friend (B) and recently engaged friend(St) travelling. A lil' sympathy wouldn't go amiss right? I mean - I am happy to embrace all things wedding and coupley but seriously - all the fucking time?! Give me a break. There were more times than I would have liked where I was totally excluded from the conversation. You'd think that as my friends - they would have sensed the tone but apparently my lack of input into the 500th of these conversations didn't make a difference!

And as the weather worsens in Britain, my lack of not attempting to travel to B's Christmas dinner has been discretely broadcast against me on FB! I'm sorry - because I was sensible and didn't want to risk my life or my car, I'm a bad friend.

And here begins the first of my resolutions for 2011

• Stop trying to please everybody.

Inspiration

It's all kicking off here in the UK - snow & ice, the president of SL & his visit to Oxford, Wikileaks and not to mention England's bid for the 2018 World Cup!

I have been a lil' busy - Athens, Frankfurt and Paris all to blog about. And I will do that as soon as - but being at work means I can't upload photos and we all know that trips need photos!

Pseudo has inspired me with her post and I thought I should do the same. After all, it's Christmas (as good as)!



Mariah Carey - All I want For Christmas - Before she became all hoe-ish!




Wham - Last Christmas




Miley Cyrus' Version - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

OK - I could go on and put it out there (even further) at how bad my musical taste is but the most important song that reminds me of Christmas is the next one.



Coca Cola - Holidays are Coming

Secrets

I'm trying to avoid talking about marriage with anybody and everybody but it seems that people are getting married left, right and centre!

RL is getting married. But I haven't been officially told yet.

Conversation with B on Monday went like this:

B: Dude, I have something to tell you and I really want to but I can't!!!

Scrumps: Oh man! You can't do that! What is it?

B: I can't!

S: OK - fine.

B: OK - It's RL.

S: OK - is it what I think it is?

B: What do you think it is?

S: Well marriage....?

B: *Silence*

S: No way?! That's great news!

B: But I wasn't allowed to tell anyone and you have to act VERY surprised!

And then she proceeds to tell me a lil' bit more about it.

Cue this morning, my conversation with A:

A: Man I need to tell you something but you have to PROMISE you can't tell anyone!

S: I promise.

A: It's about RL. Do you know?

S: Know what?

A: OK - you can't tell anyone about this. She hasn't told anyone. Promise?

S: Promise!

A: She's getting married!!!!!!!!

S: Nooooooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?! (rolling my eyes slightly). To who? When? How?!

A: *proceeds to tell me some stuff*. You can't tell anyone OK. Not even B. RL hasn't told anybody! And you best act surprised!

And then they wonder why I don't share my secrets wholeheartedly with them!

But I love the fact that they love me enough to want to share!

Unhealthy Obsession

I can't help myself. I actually love him. I feel like I am in high school all over again.

My siblings were the ones that introduced me to him. And HOT DAMN - he is beautiful.

I watch a lot of American TV shows (some of which most of you probably don't care for but hey, they entertain me!) which include One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl (how HOT is Chuck Bass), Lost (when it was on), How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory to name a few. There's still so many to watch but I have recently started watching The Vampire Diaries.

Set in a small town in American, it tells the story (so far) of two Vampire brothers who come back to said small town and the story progresses about their history and how it relates to the modern world and how everything and everyone is pretty much linked together. And enter Damon Salvatore - the elder vampire brother. The "bad" guy of the two. The charmer, the one that feasts on humans. The one who proclaims to have no feelings (yes I know he's a vampire so he probably doesn't!) but has been hurt by love. Played by the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder, Damon Salvatore is so hot it actually hurts me and that in the last 48 hours, I have managed to watch season 1 (22 episodes) and get up to date with season 2 (5 episodes). It's taken over my life and I can't get enough.



Yes, I'm sad. But I challenge you to watch it and not fall for him! Edward Cullen who?!

Dignity

Whilst at the cash point waiting for some money, the wind decides to put me in a very Marilyn Monroe-esque moment by shooting up my skirt and leaving me scrambling around trying to preserve my dignity (of which I am sure that I have absolutely none now!) whilst trying to ensure that no one runs off with the newly withdrawn cash.

Not pretty and definitely not cool!

Problem

Following this, I didn't swear off men. It would have been the best thing to do considering that I was an emotional wreck.

But I didn't. That doesn't mean I actively went out looking to meet someone. But I did. Meet someone. And it looks as though getting attached to people and wearing my heart on my sleeve is more of a hindrance and a problem than anything else.

Answered

Your call.

I shouldn't have.

Frequent Flyer

October 28 2010 - November 02 2010: Frankfurt

Somewhere in the middle of November: Paris

November 25 2010 - November 28 2010: Athens

Beginning of December: Budapest

True Friendship

Shoulder to cry on?

Pledging to take down your worst enemy alongside you?

Ensuring you're not a walking fashion disaster every time you go out?

Holding your hair back whilst you throw up after a night out?

Telling you that he's not good enough for you?

No.

True friendship? Being able to discuss your toilet habits unabashedly.

Inability

I don't know if I have it in me to put myself out there. To allow my heart to get hurt. I believe that good things happen to good people. And good things come to those who wait. But sometimes I question that if good things were to happen to me, then I wouldn't be the way God made me. Or how long am I supposed to wait.

I know I'm not alone in heartbreak - the blogs I read tell me that. And it pains me. I know that we're better off in some instances. But how can I believe the advice that I try to tell them when I hardly believe it myself?

I hate myself for feeling sorry for myself. But I can't help myself.

Another One

I started another blog today. One that I can write without telling anybody. Password protect even. Because sometimes, you need to write just to cleanse the soul.

ETA: I'm not deserting this one - I just need somewhere else to write certain things...

Too Much?

For me, this blog offers an outlet. Blogging allows me to express myself.


But reading back on some of my posts - I wonder if I should have wrote what I did. Cathartic as it is, it only seems to remind me of how I felt. Opening up old wounds. Reminding me of how things were. Questioning how things could have been.


Am I doing the right thing by putting it all out here? Or should I have not wrote anything at all? Could it be that if there's no evidence of it, then the memories will be easier to forget?

More importantly - do I want to forget?

The Worst Part

You were in my dream last night. Or it could have been the early hours of this morning.

You were lying next to me in bed and we were facing each other.

Telling me that it was going to be OK. That we were going to be OK.

And I, like the fool that I am, believed you.

But the worst part? The worst part was waking up and knowing that that's not how it goes.

Section 2

My friend has been committed under Section 2 of the Metal Health Act.

Should we (as the people in her life) have been able to see this happening? Erratic emails put down to work stress. FB status updates that made no sense but not in an incoherent way.

When I found out I cried. Because I am at a loss. It's a helpless situation at the moment.

She’s so young.

And none of us know what to do. :(

Unfoolish

If you Google the lyrics to Ashanti's "Unfoolish" - you'll see I'm in a good place today.

I've copied and pasted the first verse and the chorus just to give you an idea of how I am:

I think I found my strength to finally get up and leave

No more broken heart for me

No more tellin' your lies to me

I'm lookin' like I got my head on right so now I see

No more givin' you everythin'

There's no more takin' my love from me

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you

And though my heart can't take no more,I can't keep running back to you

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you

And though my heart can't take no more,

I won't keep running back to you

You know the tears have finally stopped. Not completely but at least they've stopped being continuous. To be fair, I've been busy - I haven't thought about him as much. That closure call really helped. I miss him. Not as a better half but as my best friend.

But - friendships are always being lost and gained. So hopefully there's other things in store.

Raising A Smile

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-11137903

For Darwin, Pseudo and any other geeks!

Why?

Why did you have to call me?

Why did I have to answer?

Why is it like this?

Smell

My hand cream has a distinctive smell. What’s worse is that it’s the hand cream I used for the very first time when we went on holiday together. So it reminds me of you.

But the more I use, the more that memory starts to fade. And I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet.

Letting go of you, us and what could have been is hard.

Hurt

It’s been a week now since I found out. And for the first four days, I was an emotional wreck. Bursting into tears at any given moment. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t tell anyone for the first two days apart from those that read the blog. Telling them made it real. But then I realised that I couldn’t do it on my own. So I told my siblings. My brother first seeing as he was around. God, that was hard. My siblings have always liked you. I wasn’t able to stop the tears. And then my sister, later on that night once she was around. My sister (being the feisty girl she is), did not mince her words. I think sometimes you need tough love to help you come to term with things. She called you all kinds of names. It didn’t ease the hurt any less but I knew I was loved. Not the love that is offered from a companion but unconditional love from my family. And yet it still hurt and the tears kept coming. The worst was trying not to let Amma see me cry. That night, after I told my siblings, my sister went to work and I remember my brother giving me the biggest hug whilst I cried on his shoulder. And still it hurt.

Amma knows now as well, I think she would have like to have seen us end up together but it’s enough with just my humiliation. I don’t want her to say anything to you and be humiliated also. There’s nothing like a hug from your mum when you’re heartbroken to comfort. And still it hurt.

The weekend came and with nothing to do but wallow, I tried to keep the tears at bay. I wanted to call you. I needed to call you. My brother didn’t leave me alone the whole day. It was almost like I was on suicide watch (no offence). The tears flowed every now and then and I was an emotional wreck. I think what I’ll miss is the fact that I will have no one to call when the AP goes into extreme mode. No one else I know that can relate or talk to about it without judgement. But I will find someone. So you called me on Saturday. To gloat? Most probably not. And I answered. I didn’t cry. I tried again to understand your reasoning. I don’t want a wedding invitation of that I am sure. The goodbye was abrupt. Your battery died before I had a chance to make that complete closure but the intention on my part was clear. And with the feeling of a weight starting to lift, it still hurt but a little less.

Both A and B know now as well. B has never liked you. Thought you were never good enough for me. Couldn’t understand what I saw in you.
A on the other hand wanted us to have a fairytale ending. We were his very own Ross and Rachel. He can’t see why you’ve made this decision. To be fair, I’m not sure anyone can apart from yourself. But you have. And he thinks you’ve “flopped”, which are comforting words to hear on my part. Despite their supporting words, it still hurt. But again, a little bit less.

I have been a right saddo and Googled “inspiration quotes to get over heartbreak” (you can laugh at me), but I have read some words that have made me feel better. I’ve read articles on how to get over it. To let go. And I’ve made a list. The one that these articles tell you to make. It’s what Ross did with Rachel and Julie. I can’t say that it fared well for you.
But let’s face it, compared to what some people are going through in the world, what I'm going through pales in comparison. And with that perspective, it’s hurts that little bit less.

The items associated with memories are slowly being discarded. Some in the bin and some will be given back to you. Some I’ll keep because they’ll remind me that I’ve loved wholeheartedly. And it hurts. And it will continue to hurt but in time, it’ll get easier. I truly believe that. I have to believe that. Because if I don’t, I wouldn’t be me. And being me is more important than believing in what could have been.

To all of you – I can’t thank you enough for the comments that you have left me. Seriously. I know I am emotional (overly sometimes), but your words have been an immense help and by reading them (repeatedly!), it comforts me that there are people whom I’ve never met that are so kind. Thank you.

Fear

What hurts is not that you chose her but that you gave me up so easily.

What hurts is that you can’t give me an answer as to why.

What hurts is that I wasn’t good enough.

What hurts is that I’ve lost my best friend.

What hurts is knowing that you never loved me as much as I loved you.

What hurts is knowing that I will get over you but it might take a while.

What hurts is that you didn’t tell me when it all first started.

What hurts is that the lies continued until the very end.

What hurts is that we didn’t get to say goodbye.

What hurts is that my biggest fear of being alone and unloved has never hurt as much as it does now.

Words Won't Do.

Never underestimate the power of kindness of strangers.

Over

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
Now it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
So it's over baby
It's over baby

When I met you I knew you would be the one for me
'Cause lookin' at you had me feelin' kinda crazy
And what you asked I almost did it automatically
But it was nothing compared to the joy you gave me
Although I know that what we had it wasn't perfect babe
You fooled around but see back then it didn't phase me
I thought by stayin' tryin' to change you would be worth it babe
But now I see that tryin' to change you only changed me

All these tears and all of your lies
All these years and now we're sayin' goodbye
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
Now it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
So it's over baby
It's over baby

Now I'm thinkin' that I never should have dealt with you
All this screamin' and this yellin' that we go through
Rainin' late at night I'm sittin' waitin' up for you
Just to tell you how I hate you who've turned in to
So ain't no way I'm gonna sit and take this shit from you
I'll never play another day of bein' your fool
I wasted all my time on somethin' that just wasn't true
I should have known that I could never ever change you

All these tears and all of your lies
All these years and now we're sayin' goodbye
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
Now it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
So it's over baby
It's over baby

I'll never forget what you did to me
So I'm gone, I'm leavin' leavin' baby
I'll never forget what you did to me
So I'm gone, I'm leavin' leavin' baby
Whenever you see me, don't even speak
I'll never forget what you did to me
Whenever you see me, don't even speak
I'll never forget what you did to me

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
Now it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
So it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
Now it's over baby
It's over baby

I can't believe that it's over baby
Every bruise on my heart you gave me
See we tried but we'd fight then we'd cry
So it's over baby
It's over baby

I'll never forget what you did to me
So I'm gone, I'm leavin' leavin' baby
I'll never forget what you did to me
So I'm gone, I'm leavin'

Over - Ashanti

Except I didn't leave did I? I stayed. Waiting. Wishing. Hoping. And yet it hurts more than I can bear. I have no one to cry to because the person I could cry to doesn't want me.

One Sided

Wow. Someone else huh?

I guess it was a matter of time. No no, I’m fine.

How long have you known her? Oh wow. Three months.

And you want to marry her? Cool.

Me upset? No I’m doing ok.

So where’s she from? She’s Sri Lankan? Cool.

And where does she live now? Manchester – awesome. At least she won’t have to move far.

What is she like? She sounds nice. What do you like about her? She listens to you? Fair enough.

And what does she do? Pharmacist – cool. No, I’m not upset.

Well, it’s up to you how to deal with your parents. I’m sure they’ll come around to it. Grandchildren solve everything!

Seriously I’m ok. How did you expect me to react? You know how I feel. You can’t expect me to say it over and over again.

What does she have that I don’t? Actually no – scrap that. Pretend I didn’t ask that question. Nothing?





Then why her?

Not A Politician

But a humanitarian.

It's about time they did something useful:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-10925400

Ass Kissing

There's so much of it around.

Published Without a Title!

I want to go and see Ellie Goulding live.

I want NEED a holiday. I'm dead set on Thailand but now that everyone is married - I need someone to go with!

:(

A Little Blip

“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” - Audrey Hepburn


If only everyone looked at the world this way. Maybe then I'd be beautiful.....

Rumour Mill

2+2=5?!

OK - so I'm a lil' bit of a gossip but sometimes I read some blogs and then I read some other blogs and then I read some more blogs and I can't help but think if any of those that I have read are directing their posts at the others that I have read.

Confused?

Basically I'm just suspicious of who's getting it on in the blogosphere!

And then there are those that I want to be getting it on in the blogosphere!

Maybe I'm just reading too much into things....

Awkward

T: One of your friends on our table was super cute and I 'sensed' some chemistry? What was her name and am I wrong? Good to see you tonight sweets. X

Scrumps: Which one? Let me know innit. Always a pleasure seeing you too honey! x

T: Ah man. Don’t make me describe a Sri Lankan gal. Sat next to A? Slim, tanned? x

S: His wife you mean?!

T: Duh! The other side! X

S: RL?

T: One more? I know who RL is, punk.

S: A was sitting in between RL and his wife!

T: Erm..I just remembered, she probably wasn’t sitting at our table but you were hanging out with her at the dance floor. Oh I give up!

Justifying

If you work hard, you should play hard right?

I'm just trying to justify what I've done.

Betty is definitely on her last legs. And as much as I want to keep her, it's definitely not financially viable for me to keep her and buy a new car. So I've put down a deposit (inclusive of Betty) for a new car.

And why am I justifying this? Because it's a brand new BMW 320SE convertible. Being delivered in September. And it's going to cost me a fortune!

I knew I wanted a convertible when I was looking. Mainly because I'm at an age where if once I get married, I'll need a car that's a bit more family orientated right? And then as I get older, I'll need a car that suits the needs of me and my family. And when I get old(er), I don't want to be one of those old people who drive convertibles thinking they're cool when they're really not (cue Friends reference - season 7, episode 14 where at the the end the old guy with the same car comes along and goes "How cool are we?!")! So I went along to BMW just to see what was available. Myself - I wanted a lil' 1 series. Small, compact and within my price range. My brother and cousin on the other hand were living vicariously through me! And so I was steered towards the 3 series. And well, once I sat in one - that was that really!

Why do I need to justify it? Well, what with paying a mortgage, bills, travel and occasionally buying shoes(!), I am going to have to make some lifestyle changes in order to accommodate the car! But like I said - you work hard, you play hard so a few sacrifices will have to be made somewhere. And I've started looking for a second part time job!

So the car has been ordered, the deposit has been paid and is now just waiting delivery. But like I told A - the only place the car will be going is up and down my driveway because I'll be too scared to drive it with the thought that I might damage it!

But oh well - how awesome is it going to look?! And any suggestions for names will be taken on board! :)

BARE Pressure!

A & R are getting married next weekend. I have no weekends free until August now as most are taken up with weddings, mehndis and receptions! I'm not even a bride and it's crazy!

But now my tension has got worse as both A & R have asked me to take some "candid shots"!

My SLR photography skills are limited! I'm still learning. This is immense pressure.

A Picture Over Words

Image courtesy of ponandzi.com

Amma-isms

I have road rage. It's a proven fact.

Yesterday - the whole of my area was gridlocked because of some damn traffic lights that haven't been working now for 4 days! Seriously - why do I pay council tax if you guys can't fix things?!

I was in a rush to get to the hardware store to buy some more paint so that I could paint the skirting board before the carpet gets fitted (this morning!). So you can imagine that my patience was at an all time low.

As I indicated to turn left, the car behind refused to give way (some posh sports car that was very big!). Cue me getting irate.

I try not to swear when Amma is in the car but yesterday I couldn't help myself.

"Oh you f***ing w***er! I hope you can f***ing lip read you motherf***er! With your big ass car!" And I continued effing and blinding for about 5 minutes (thoroughly pissed off!).

About 10 minutes later, I must have been talking about some other man and my Amma who pays no attention to me (clearly!) goes " Who? That wonka?!" and points to the car who refused to give way earlier!

Cheered me up no end.

How Young

I don’t write about my sister much. In fact, I always group my siblings together and my brother gets mentioned more so than she does. The only reason is because he does more than she does.

My sister is a quiet soul. She’s calm and she doesn’t share too much. She’s a bit different to both me and my brother and would probably rather stay in as opposed to a night out (I’m the opposite most of the time).

My brother is in Canada at the moment with my dad. A holiday of convenience to get my dad out of the way so that we can redecorate our living room (and that saga will follow later!). It’s been tough – my sister and I definitely not cut out for manual labour! We’ve managed to strip the walls of wallpaper, get the plastering sorted (someone else did this!) and start painting.

Yesterday as me and my sister were painting, she opened up to me. I remember when she was 16, I found out she had a boyfriend. I went mad. Seriously. The role of the bigger sister has not shone as brightly as did that day. 16 is too young right? And he was 3 years older than her. It just wasn’t the done thing. I remember there were tantrums. My brother knew about it kinda. My parents were completely confused as to why none of us were talking to each other. I remember telling her that she I wouldn’t accept it. I remember her telling me that she’d always choose her family over him. And that she was sorry. There’d be nothing more about this “relationship”. He – a family friend who I’ve known just as long as my sister – someone whom to this day, I love dearly. So what was the problem? I really do believe she was too young.

Fast forward 8 years. They are still in each other’s lives. In fact – he is as much of our family as could be. But they have never pursued where they left off. Mainly because our family has so many issues with him. But now, my sister has grown up. Today is her 24th birthday. My beautiful baby sister. And whilst we were painting yesterday she spoke of how she feels about him. How he feels about her and what path she could take. The fact that we can share such things over such random activities brings smiles and tears – happy emotional tears.

And to me, that is what makes what we have special.

To my beautiful baby sister – Happy Birthday my fatty!

x

HELP!

I know this is mega late but I have only just realised how I should have utilised this blog!

B's hen night is tomorrow and I've got the majority share of organising stuff. To be fair though - everyone has really helped out and it looks like it will be carnage a great weekend.


However, I need some dares/challenges/forfeits. I've got a few but need more. Can I have some suggestions please? Not too extreme but a lil'!

Some ideas (to give you something to compare yours to!):

· Persuade a stranger to buy you a drink
· Get the phone number of a man whose name begins with a vowel
· Every time you hear a Lady Gaga song, you have to do 10 seconds of the running man (I’ll put some Lady Gaga songs on my phone!)
· Approach a stranger of either sex and pretend that you’ve known them for years.
· Sing Chesney Hawke’s “I am the one and only” in a bar
· Get a bald guy to give you a hug
· Get a picture of you and a guy with a tattoo
· Stand outside a shop window looking in and perform 5 star jumps.
· Act out which animal you’d like to be if you were reincarnated
· Gargle the wedding march
· Find three names and numbers for new volunteers to be in the bridal party
· Approach someone else's table and offer to belly dance for them

Thank you! (in advance!)

Pregnant or Fat?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8730106.stm

I love this article. And totally agree with the last sentence. Many a time I've umm-ed and ahh-ed about offering people my seat. So much so that sometimes, I just sit and pretend I'm doing something on my phone just to avoid eye contact! :

Placards

I’m going to start carrying some around with me in the car so I can just pick them up and hold them up against the window as I drive past a car.

“You are HOT!”

“DAMN!”

“Learn to EFFING drive!”

“Why are you hogging the fast lane?!”

“Your car is sooooo nice!”

I saw a beautiful guy this morning in a beautiful car who I did a lil’ bit of rearview mirror flirting smiling with.

Yeah, the sun is out and it’s definitely bringing out the floozy in me.

Being Friends with a Gigwhore!

Being friends with Pseudo is rubbing off on me and it's not helping my wallet at all!

Having read QFAP's post and consumed with jealousy, I longed and cursed myself for being poor.

But it seems that sometimes (just sometimes) that I get a break.

WTF am I talking about? An email in my inbox this morning from my phone provider with a code for 2 for 1 tickets to see Bon Jovi. That's right - BON JOVI! OMG! I'm so excited!

I won't be able to do QFAP's review any justice but I can't wait!

Tribulations

MAN! I am such a flirt. This is. Definitely. Not. Good. :(

J and I have been out a few times now. About 6 I think. And whilst he’s a lovely lovely guy (he’s so nice), he’s just not the guy for me. Nothing to do with my cultural issues from before. More so that he just doesn’t do it for me. I need someone who can put up with my fiery temperament. Someone who makes me laugh out loud. Someone who just doesn’t happen to be J. And I don’t know how to tell him. The worst thing I can do is give him hope by prolonging our contact.

It’s like I’m breaking up with him and we’re not even a damn couple!

Ad Hoc

It is 11:34 PM and I am at work. In Dublin.

It's awesome isn't it? My manager called me up at about 14:00 earlier today and asked if I had anything urgent planned for the next two days. When I said no, she basically went "You're going to Dublin". Well she actually asked if I wouldn't mind and I definitely didn't mind. So I rushed home, packed, grabbed my passport and landed in Dublin about 4 hours ago.

Oh the life of a corporate high flier! :P :S


P.S. There's so much I'd like to write about so much stuff but only so much that I think I can share. When did blogging become so difficult?

What You Already Know

My musical taste is questionable at the best of time so I usually leave these kind of posts to Pseudo or Sabby. But I want to share these with you!

I think they have done other covers but I didn't have time to find any more on youtube!

100% Cheese

As always - from the bottom up!

From: J [j@work.com]
To: Scrumps [scrumps@work.com]
Subject: RE: Take no notice!

Yep, I manufactured that line all by myself, made from 100% cheese!

From: Scrumps [scrumps@work.com]
To: J [j@work.com]
Subject: RE: Take no notice!

Lol! You’re very sweet!

From: J [j@work.com]
To: Scrumps [scrumps@work.com]
Subject: RE: Take no notice!

Aww, but princesses always get married in the end :) You can go to all their weddings and see what they did wrong and then yours will be perfect!

From: Scrumps [scrumps@work.com]
To: J [j@work.com]
Subject: Take no notice!


Everyone I know is getting married! :(

Bieber Fever

I love him.

Justin Bieber.

Betty

Betty is now fixed. I cannot begin to tell you how please I am to have her back!

On a side note - for someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and is bare emotional, why is it I find it so hard to tell people how I'm feeling?!

Tears to my Eyes

This story.

Spinning

I chose this exercise activity because you can kind of sit down whilst taking part.

And yet, my ass is in the most amount of pain ever!

Ironic really isn't it?!

Feeling Sorry For Myself

I'm telling it how it is.

TTOTM and I'm feeling lonely. All my friends are getting married and I'm not. :(

It's like they're moving on and I am being completely left behind!

The Down Side of Road Rage

I don't get road rage (often). In fact, I can be very patient. What I don't like though is when people try to cut me up.
You can clearly see that I have patiently been waiting in the queue of traffic to get to my destination.
You can see that I am in the correct lane (I know some of these concepts may be foreign in SL! :P). So why do you think it is acceptable to come speeding along the side of me and try to pull out in front of me?!

My usual response to these things are (me shouting through the glass and hoping that the person can lip read!) "Can't you see that we've all been waiting patiently?!" No, I will not let you in. I've WE'VE all been waiting and you should too! No I don't care how flash your car is!" (whilst thinking "That is such a nice car!")

So this morning when someone tried to cut me up and I moved Betty forward to close the gap, I was mortified that the driver of the other car that I had just given my usual response to was VERY HOT! To make it worse, he gave me a very sorry looking shrug (one that said, "we could have had something!") and I felt very very bad. Not least because he was hot, but more out of guilt!

The moral of this story? Choose your road rage victims wisely.

Meet The Friends

It hasn't happened yet.

But telling R about it elicited a "You can't marry a non-Tamil!". And this was not said in a malicious or racist way but it made me think.

Friends

J has asked me to go out with him and his friends tomorrow night. I've said yes. But now I'm not so sure.

(Over analysis coming up!)

By meeting his friends, what does this signify in our "relationship"? Are we in one? Is it going that way? Does he want to know what his friends think of me if he decides that he's committing? What do I do? Our cultures are very different. If I decide to go with it because there are plenty of cross cultural relationships and ours could flourish and then it ends in heartbreak - is it worth it?

Betty

Betty. The first time I've mentioned a name on here. The thing that if any of my friends read will identify who I am. Not that I have been super anonymous or anything....

Betty may be on her deathbed and I am distraught. Following her accident, she came back looking just like she did before.


I was her first owner. The one who nourished her, looked after and cared to her every whim. No cost was too expensive for her. Whatever she needed she got.

I can't believe that it might end like this.

Last night, I actually cried. I know that seems silly but I've had her for 5 years. My beautiful beautiful car Betty.

It's not looking promising. Oil has mixed with water in the coolant bit (very technical!) and apparently my head gasket is cracked. It's not what I was hoping for. Having spoken to a few friends, it's going to cost me a bit to try and fix it; and if the damage is worse than anticipated, I may need a whole new engine!

People get attached to all kinds of things and for me, Betty is my saviour. When I needed solitude, when I needed space, when I needed to get from A to B; I could always depend on her.

What has surprised me through all of this is the response of my friends. All have been incredibly supportive - Betty is as much theirs as she is mine. She has been a money saver (no need for taxis after a late night out!), she has provided us with amusing stories with Cuban diplomats and all in all, we have had some good times in her.

But I have to make a special mention to A - he has been amazing! When I told him, his response was something like that of SWAT team. After his initial "NOOOOOOOOOOOO", he phoned his father in-law to be (who has his own garage) and explained the situation. The only thing being that if I take Betty there, it's halfway across London. But A called me last night and said that he had also spoken to someone he works with who might be able to fix it. When I told him I cried, he didn't laugh at me. And for someone who makes fun of me at any and every given opportunity, I was so impressed. But that wasn't just it.

He text me last night after we spoke with really rubbish (and politically incorrect) jokes and I replied that they had elicited a small smile (I'm really gutted!). To which he replied "Don't worry. We gonna get her fixed up."

And no matter what anyone tells me about him - I will love him always!

Three Weeks

I don't care how you feel about me or "us".

I miss our aimless banter.

I miss our pointless arguments.

I miss our random texts.

I miss being able to call you without it costing you a bomb.

I'm just looking forward to you coming home.

Language Barrier & Love Yous

I nearly made it two years. TWO whole years!

There I was this morning, singing along to the radio and waiting for the cars to pass so I could get a gap to pull out and *THUD*. "Bollocks!" is what I thought as I said it out loud! So close to work. I checked my review mirror and I see the front grill. This was not a car and as I get out of the car, I see a fuck off massive truck! I am not a confrontational person so I didn't get out ranting and raving.

Yes, that's right. I had a car accident this morning. With a ginormous lorry. I am so pissed off just at the inconvenience of it all. To top it all off, it wasn't a British trucker. It was a German trucker who didn't speak English, didn't understand English and looked completely bewildered! The back of my car is battered somewhat. The insurance company sent a recovery truck to pick the car up and take it to the garage. I can now tick "travel in a recovery truck" off my list of things to do before I'm 20 30 list.

I was at work for an hour before the truck came and brought me home. I managed to bring my work home though but have now developed some pain in my shoulders (delayed onset of whiplash maybe?) and I am going on my third date with J tonight (we're going bowling!).

And if that was not bad enough, to top it all off, as I was talking to my insurer on the telephone, I ended our conversation with "Thanks very much. Love you". I was aghast! I couldn't believe that I'd said that. So I apologised profusely and hung up very sheepishly!

The thing is - I only talk to a few people on the phone - mainly family, A, B and S. And I always say "Love you" at the end of conversation. Clearly I just got carried away!

Episodes with a MOP*

I think I have phases with this one.

Random episode last week:

MOP: And how are you doing? How’s everything going?
Me: *swoon* Yeah, it’s going good. I’m getting to grips with the system.
MOP: Have you been getting harassed on the communicator (internal version of msn messenger!) yet?
Me: *smiling ever so much* No, not yet. I don’t think people know who I am yet!
MOP: How can they not know who you are?! I’ll ping (message me on the communicator) you!
Me: *giggle like a love struck school girl* Thanks...

But then the other day I was listening to him and he does whinge like nobody’s business! It’s mad.

*MOP – Man of Power.

Time Again

That time of year again!

So happy birthday!!!








To me! :)

Cull

A Facebook one.

It's happening.

Wrong!

I have a habit of doing things that are wrong but it must be bad when you find one of your director's (strangely) attractive?

He smells soooo good. He's so tall. He's so nice. He has a beautiful accent....

And he's probably about 50!

So wrong!

*blush*

Bloody Hell!!

Is this true?!

Forgive me for my ignorance but what does this mean for the people of SL?

And this is a serious question - but what incentives were there to vote for him?

Musical Dreams

Following on from this, I'm hoping I can maybe redeem myself because I have tickets to the Wireless Festival when Jay Z is headlining! I'm so excited!

On top of that I had a really erotic dream last night. With someone who lives in another country and that I haven't seen for 12 years or so! I'm not sure I'm going to spill all the details but I woke up thinking "WTF was that about?!".

And if that wasn't enough, on the same night, in a totally different dream, my high school Chemistry teacher pops up and tells me that he's "very proud" of me. Seriously - WTF?!

The Same Old Story

I hate girls. I really do. OK, maybe hate is too strong a word but I really dislike them. And maybe girls is too much of a generalisation. Just RL. So basically I dislike RL.

B’s getting married (Whoooooooo!). It’s kind of happened quickly and I am soooooo pleased for her. RL and B have been getting on really well recently and I can wholeheartedly say that this does not bother me. Wholeheartedly.

So RL phoned me yesterday and this is our convo went:

RL: I just thought I’d call so we could squeal about B coz we haven’t really spoken about it
Me: Oh right. Yeah, I’m really pleased for her.
RL: *Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal*
Me: Yeah, I’m really happy for her. Sorry I’m not much of a squealer.
RL: Oh.
Me: I’m just sad that she’s going to move.
RL: (in what I think was a really patronizing voice): I know. It’s so sad. All your best friends are getting married! Are you OK?
Me: Yeah. I mean – *area where B is moving to* is only a few hours away and it’s not like I see B everyday anyway. Most of our friendship is over the phone. Besides – he seems really nice.
RL: Yeah, I haven’t met him yet.
Me: Me neither.
RL: Why don’t you come when I go to meet him then? I’m going to meet him the weekend after my birthday. Why don’t you come along?
Me: Erm… sure.
RL: Scrumps – are you busy? Do you need to go?
Me: Er.. Actually yeah, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you soon. *formalities of goodbyes and take cares*

So seriously – does she think that I am going to fall apart because my friends are getting married? Or the fact that she thinks she’ll meet my best friend’s fiancé before me?! Or the fact that she thinks I’m a squealer?! (I'm much more of a "woooooo hooooo" -er!

I’m being a bitch I know! But it's a vicious cycle - RL annoys me, I keep my distance, I feel bad, I initiate contact, she annoys me, I distance myself and so it continues.... But this time round, I've made the right decision. I'm just going to keep my contact to an absolute minimum - birthdays of mutual friends and the gazillions of weddings that I will have to go to this year!

Oh the dramas that are bound to ensue this year!

Uncool

Uncool is not a word. Microsoft Outlook tells me that!

A is getting married! (Have I mentioned this yet?!) Yep, this summer and I am excited! His bride-to-be (R) has a love for Krispy Kremes (most foods!) and we've hung out many times without him so I'm all for it! And she is sooo nice! I actually love her! :) Below is the majority of our email conversation from yesterday. (Sorry for not putting it up in the usual format - too much space otherwise!) As always - read from the bottom up!

(Background info - A and I are going out tomorrow night and R is in India trying to get bits and pieces for the wedding whilst dealing with a very unenthusiastic A! And the rude words are ****ed out because of work email related filters! And the fact that life as we both know it is kinda over (even though he bought me the box set a few weeks ago - awwwww!))

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From S To A: Well now you know! (No wonder we are uncool – we really need to get out more and maybe find quotes from more relevant and recent TV programmes!)

From A To S: Lol in the words of Phoebe…I have had a taste if my own medicine…and it is bitter!!!!

From S To A: I’m being mean?! It hurts doesn’t it when the shoe is on the other foot! Fighting fire with fire my friend! Fire with fire!!!!!!!!

From A To S: Lol…stop being mean innit?

From S To A: No you’re not. You are not nice enough! I hate you!

From A To S: Lol nooooooo!!!! In your face!!! Haha (ok now Im sorry)

From S To A: Are you?! Are you really?!

From A To S : Lol I am sorry!!!!

From S To A: :( You go back to being mean so easily!

From A To S: You are the only one that makes me look cool…haha

From S To A: Do you think I’m uncool?! Is this because I told you I watched Tamil serials?! OK – so you think I’m uncool – but you put up with me right? So it’s fine. If you really think I’m uncool then so be it. :(

From A To S: But I think you un-cool and vice versa…haha

From S To A: Lol. Oh, allow it then. An a-bomb will take out innocents too and the deluded (those who think we are cool!). So they think we’re not cool. Or even if they just think I’m not cool, there are only a handful of people whose opinions matter to me!

From A To S: We would need to drop an a-bomb man

From S To A: Oh that is unfortunate! Drive by?!

From A To S: There are too many of them…lol

From S To A: WHO?! WTF?! Tell me who those mofos are! :

From A To S: Yeh true…other people think we soo uncool tho!!!!

From S To A: Because we are comfortable with how uncool people may think we are. We don’t care if other people think we are not cool. We live our lives to our rules. And we’re bad! :)

From A To S: No y?

From S To A: But we are cool. And do you know why?!

From A To S: We need to become cooler man

From S To A: It’s amazing!

From A To S: That is marketing genius…awesome innit?

From S To A: Lol! We amuse ourselves with some pointless sh*t inna?! :S Yesterday I saw a scaffolding company’s van which said “Make sure your e**ction is in safe hands”. Made me laugh on the motorway – not good when you’re travelling at 100mph with dodgy tires!

From S To A: This is how the Tamil mind works! Awesome inna?! It’s like that cupboard that Monica has with all her junk!

From A To S: Yep lol…

From S To A: You’re going to put all the junk that’s taking up sleeping space into a cupboard?!

From A To S: No making space innit?

From S To A: Oh right! And by building a cupboard - how are you preparing the house for summer? Visiting mans aren’t going to sleep in it are they?! You need a sofa bed or something!

From A To S: No I mean we going sat…just to the party!!!!!!

From S To A: Seriously! Help the girl out. She’s paavam. It’s bad enough she’s dealing with you who has little interest!
So basically – the whole week you have been telling me about Sat this and Sat that and then you flop! You’re not going to be building a cupboard in the evening though are you?! DUST!

From A To S: How is it a flop…mans are getting house ready for summer innit? Bare long… Allow thoughtful…

Forthcoming Posts

Will be few and far between and probably go along the lines of something like this:

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

And I have a second date! :)

Depth

I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of mine!

New Era

I guess you want details of the date first? Fine!

The blind date (BD) was organised by a friend of mine (D) and the only detail I had from D about the BD was that his name was J. D booked the table at the restaurant and gave me a time and a place. Arriving a lil' late, I told the waiter that I had a table booked and he informed me that there was a gentleman waiting for me. I can't say that I was nervous because I didn't know anything about J so I didn't have any expectations. It was a nice feeling to not expect anything. As I walked over to the table, I was greeted by a tall (and we all know how important that is to me!), Caucasian and cute guy.

"Impressive!" is what I thought to myself but with still an evening of dinner to get through, I didn't get too excited. Conversation flowed smoothly most of the evening but that was mainly due to me. J was very sweet and I enjoyed his company immensely but I think the evening made me realise that I need someone who is a lil' more confident and is a bit more vocal. We exchanged numbers and I doubt that it will develop into anything apart from a casual friendship. But at least it's something that I can tell the grand kids!

Speaking of the opposite sex, recently I have been prone to a bout of wolf whistling which, maybe when I was younger I would have felt slightly pleased about but now I was highly embarrassed (though a lil' pleased!). The wolf whistling I can deal with; though cringing as to what I about to write next! Yesterday a very young looking boy (20?) approached me with "Wow. Hey sexy. You are buff!" (the first definition by the way!). I may have actually gone red and as a Sri Lankan we all know how difficult that is! It was horrible! But the price we must pay I guess! *eye rolling*

The "New Era" title does not reflect my new found desirability to the opposite sex. In fact, I have started my new job and though it seems as though they expect oodles from me and I don't have the first clue, I have a good feeling about this.
And it helps that they want to give me a company American Express card! Wooooooo!

(A very rushed post with spelling and grammar mistakes - apologies!)

Status Update

The weekend was spent celebrating Appa's 60th. It meant that the alcoholic parent (AP) could have a field day. Saturday was spent with a few of his friends and their families. Families meaning their young children. Entertaining and playing host is hard enough for me and siblings when we're running in and out of the kitchen trying to feed people, pour drinks and even make a cup of tea. But when we're faced with 4 year olds, as good as we are with children, we just don't have enough toys in our house to keep them entertained! The AP was on good form though. Drank, chatted and managed to take themselves off to bed without ruining it for everyone.

The Sunday was family day. I love coming from a big family. Don't get me wrong it has its disadvantages - plenty of them but I have so many cousins and aunts and uncles with whom I get along well and enjoy seeing every once in a while! Highlight of my day was looking for my Sithappa (who had a bit too much to drink) and finding him passed out on my brother's bed! I'll upload a photo of the beautiful cake that I had made.

I have a new job. In fact, I've had it since before Christmas but I haven't started yet. I start next week and guess what? They're sending me to Switzerland for training purposes! How exciting is that? I've never been in a foreign city by myself though and the idea is a lil' daunting!

And I have a blind date on Saturday.

Clearly I wouldn't have been able to fit this all onto my FB status update!

Appa

Dearest Appa,

Happy 60th Birthday.

I know the chances of you reading this are non existant but you're 60 - it's ok, you don't need to know how to use a computer! Besides, that's what you bore 3 children for!

Lots of love

Me, x

Dependents

Certain forms that you may fill out may ask you about dependents. I guess for most people, they're asking about children.

I don't have any children but sometimes I think of my relationship with my siblings. I know that in most instances I do mother them. I don't think I can help it. I'm the eldest and I have always been and will be protective of them.

Today I did something stupid. One of my siblings told me something and I gave the complete wrong response and was quite selfish about it. I feel horrible. I've apologised and I know that it's nothing that is major. My siblings and I fight one moment and will be back to normal within a few minutes but I feel awful. I've just sat there with them as they fell asleep. And I watched them for a lil' while. And I kept thinking, how could I be such a bitch to upset them?

This is a crap post which makes absolutely no sense but I feel like shit.