Appa

Dearest Appa,

Happy 60th Birthday.

I know the chances of you reading this are non existant but you're 60 - it's ok, you don't need to know how to use a computer! Besides, that's what you bore 3 children for!

Lots of love

Me, x

Dependents

Certain forms that you may fill out may ask you about dependents. I guess for most people, they're asking about children.

I don't have any children but sometimes I think of my relationship with my siblings. I know that in most instances I do mother them. I don't think I can help it. I'm the eldest and I have always been and will be protective of them.

Today I did something stupid. One of my siblings told me something and I gave the complete wrong response and was quite selfish about it. I feel horrible. I've apologised and I know that it's nothing that is major. My siblings and I fight one moment and will be back to normal within a few minutes but I feel awful. I've just sat there with them as they fell asleep. And I watched them for a lil' while. And I kept thinking, how could I be such a bitch to upset them?

This is a crap post which makes absolutely no sense but I feel like shit.

Twenty Ten

Are you going to say "Two thousand and ten" or "twenty ten"?

Two thousand and nine (coz let's face it - no one said twenty o nine!) hasn't been great but it hasn't been bad.

I have poured my heart out on this blog. And I can only tell you that twenty ten (coz that's how I'm going to say it!) will probably consist of the same. In fact, my first angst ridden post will probably be written tomorrow telling you the antics of my alcoholic parent!

For me, the lows of the last year have been eased in the knowledge that there are strangers out there - bloggers in fact that take the time to read, comment and just have a spare thought for me.

Thank you.

But now for a new year and a new decade, I hope that you have a good one.

And So It Is Christmas

You know how sometimes people get confused. I am one of those people. And the sometimes means more than often.

Raised as a Hindu, educated by the Church of England, best friends with a Muslim and from a country where Buddhism is the majority religion and a scientist by profession means that I am more than liberal with my religious values!

Christmas in the West has evolved so fast. So much thought goes into food and presents as opposed to the celebration of the birth of Christ.

I went to a carol service a few days ago. A very simple one. I like carol services. The singing of carols takes me back to when I was a child and I used to sing with great gusto as I played an angel or king or shepherd - even Mary once in my school Nativity play!

But this is not about that. The Father of the small chapel in his sermon gave me a lot to think about which I want to mention here in my own lil' way.

I'm not preaching but for all of you out there that have been taken in by all the presents and the lights and the food, please try to remember that there are those out there that are less fortunate than yourselves. Those who have had a tough year. Those who won't be receiving gifts. Those who have lost loved ones. Those who can't afford to lay on a grandeur meal. Those who won't have a roof over their heads this Christmas amongst so many other reasons that I could list.

I just want you to take some time out and spare a thought for them and how if you haven't this year, think about how maybe next year you, I and we could help them. Because as much as we all like to receive, receiving a smile and knowing you made a difference (no matter how small) is the best gift!

Merry Christmas people.

Scrumps, x

A Snow Filled Thought

I know the title doesn't make any sense. But because it's Christmas - I don't care.

The weather here has been somewhat awful to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I love snow. I love it when I know that I am safe inside the confines of my own home and I don't need to go out and that when I do have to go out, hopefully it'll all have melted away and it will be safe to walk on the pavements without fear of slipping over and hurting myself!

Yesterday though I was at work and the snow fall from the weekend had yet to disperse and what was left of it had turned to a sludgy slushy ice fest. Sitting in my office counting down the hours until I could go home, I saw snow start to fall. Not only falling but actually settling. Crap is what I initially thought to myself because I knew that driving home would be a nightmare.

I decided then that I would try and leave half an hour early in a bid to get home within a reasonable time. 45 minutes later, I am still on the same road. The road that I had parked on. The road which usually takes me 2 minutes to get across!

In all it took me three and a half hours to get home. A journey that usually takes me an hour. I'm just happy that I got home safe. I saw one car turn a corner at about 5mph and the back end of his car just kept going and he ended up hitting two parked cars. Poor guy.

Despite some crazy drivers (seriously - it's snowing! We're all driving at 10mph but yet you seem to want to drive past us at 20 and try and cut us all up!), sometimes you see things that redeem your faith in human kindness. Cars were struggling to drive uphill, and I saw people (pedestrians/passenger of other cars) all helping to push those that were stuck and having helped one car, come back and help another. And all this despite the mini snow storm type thing that was going on.

Made me smile.

Done

I'm out.

Seriously.

Being friends with you.

Wondering what if.

Expecting so much.

Receiving so little.

Trying so often.

What she said is true.

The good days are good.

The bad days are bad.

But the good days aren't worth it any more.

This heart will not be on this sleeve for you any longer.

We're done.

Arrivals

My brother is back. Yay! :)


Airports are funny places. My heart is worn so openly on my sleeve that it will come as no surprise that I don't deal with departures well. But it surprised even me when I felt myself getting emotional over arrivals.

Terminal 5 at Heathrow is amazing. It's so big and spacious and is a testament to...... big and spacious things!

As I stood there waiting for my brother, I watched the people surrounding me. Those that had constructed "Welcome Home" placards for their loved ones, the parents eagerly awaiting the return of their well travelled child, the husbands awaiting their wives amongst so many others.

But what brought a tear to my eye was when I saw a child run up to his mother as she walked out of the arrival doors. As she swept him up in her arms, it made me feel all warm inside. So much so that I actually welled up! Maybe I'm getting broody (Eeeeek!).

The worst part was when I realised that I was wearing my heart a lil' too openly on my sleeve and I had to mentally will myself to not cry when my brother arrived!

Arrivals really is quite emotional. More so than departures I think!