Done

OK. I've done it. Created a WordPress blog. I really don't want to leave blogger but I feel as though my siblings might have stumbled across this one and well, I want to be able to write freely without them knowing everything there is to know. So password protecting those posts which divulge just a little too much is better than privating the whole blog.

I've moved. To here. Please could you update your blog rolls and rss feeds and other stuff that I don't really get!

It is a work in progress but I really need to publish a certain post!

Blogger - for allowing to me to say what I wanted when I needed to - thank you.

ETA: Email me (with your blogging pseudonym because chances are I won't know you by your real names - scrumpulicious@hotmail.co.uk) for the password or leave a comment with your email address.

Moving

To Wordpress. So I can password protect my posts! But in the interim, I might just go private for a little while.

Tell Me Off

Can somebody please tell my hormones to control themselves?!

It's only a matter of time before I throw myself at somebody!

A Little Hope Yet

It's confirmed. I am not hideous. Something which I questioned irrefutably this weekend (refer to this!) and the last few weekends actually.

A HOT guy asked me for my number on Sunday. It's been so long since I've actually been asked for my number, I forgot what it feels like. That feeling of "wow, you think I'm attractive?" followed by "awww, you think I'm attractive!".

A very nice boost to the ego which was in desperate need of boosting.

I know you're all going to ask whether I gave it to him or not. I haven't yet. Because. I have issues.

And The Gig Whore Lives On

Rihanna - O2 Arena 21 December 2011
Coldplay - Emirates Stadium 01 June 2012

Because old habits die hard!

Introductions Continued..

From here.

So coffee. I was waiting patiently – AJ was running late. As a Tamil, we are renowned for our tardiness and I refuse to fall into this category which means I get to places ridiculously early. About 15 minutes go by when I feel someone hovering over my shoulder – AJ! He kind of just nods his head at me and then walks to meet me (he wasn’t actually in the coffee shop you see). He comes in and says hello and sits down at the table. Immediately, I am aware of the height difference. *crap* is what I am thinking to myself.
He asks me what I want to drink and goes over to join the queue. At which time, I see a “friend” (I use the term loosely – we are acquaintances more so than friends) of mine and his wife in the queue. They don’t see me and I pretend to be busy on my phone. I mean, I really don’t want them to see me. And so I’m busy busy busy on my phone at which point my “friend” comes over to say hi. And proceeds to chat to me (which is very sweet and endearing of him – because he is genuinely a nice guy!), asks me what I’m doing there. I could hardly tell him I’m on a blind date so I feebly mumble that I’m meeting a friend. AJ is still in the queue and I can feel him watching this whole scene. Thankfully my “friend” and his wife leave before AJ gets back to the table with our drinks.

As AJ sits down, I check out his attire – especially his shoes. For me, I think shoes maketh an outfit and you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes that he wears. Luckily for him, his shoes passed the test. As we sit, conversation flows. The height difference drifts to the back of my mind and I’m not as conscious of it as I was when I saw him. We talk about our families, my “friend”, and just general chit chat. It’s light hearted, fun and easy – just the kind of conversations I like.

Unfortunately, I was working so the meeting was fleet. He offered to walk me back to my car (which I thought was very sweet) and to which I agreed. But it didn’t work out in his favour – I think he came up to my chin btu I could be over exaggerating this.

Getting in my car, I over analysed the situation. Nice guy. But short. Nice personality. But short. Could it work? Perhaps. But he’s short! I didn’t think anything more of the situation as work consumed me.

After work, he called me and we spoke briefly – inane chit chat. Apparently a sign that he was keen (considering he called me the same day!).

He also called Monday – our ritual in this brief space of time being that he calls me as I drive home. And I find out that he has told his mum about me. *shock* Erm.. I do start to stutter a little as I feel as though he’s trying to pin me down into a corner. I think his exact phrase was “if you’re ok with it, I’m ok with it” – With what exactly?

I was under the impression I would be allowed to get to know you – not that you would expect me to marry you just because we get on. I didn’t tell him this though. No. Because I’m a coward. Especially when it comes to breaking people’s hearts saying no to people.
The issue is avoided and we part amicably. He calls on Tuesday as I drive home from work, and asks me what I’m feeling. This time, I tell him that he’s a nice guy, but I still don’t know him well enough to commit to anything. To which he replies “are you just stringing me along?”. By this point, alarm bells are ringing at the back of my head. “He’s not giving you any time!!” the voice screams at me.

So I say no, I just don’t know you well enough. And he asks me how long until you do? I can’t give you a time span. What will be will be.

And we are now at Wednesday. I want to point out that we have not even known each other for a week. As I’m driving home, I’m on the phone to B. Just talking. He calls and I see the call waiting but I’ll call him back. So he calls again. And I ignore it. And so 20 minutes later he calls again. By this point he has called me 3 times in the space of 30 minutes. I go home, ignore the calls and spend time with my siblings. In the space of 2 hours, he called me 6 times. SIX TIMES! When I call him back, the conversation goes like this (all on his part)

“How come you didn’t answer?”, “Where were you?”, “Why didn’t you call me?”, “Where have you been?”. My mind is screaming “WTF?!”. But I fob him off with an excuse that I was tired and busy. It’s been a long time since I have had to answer to anybody. But after one week? Are you crazy?! Complete and utter turn off. But I still don’t write him off completely. I sought the advice of friends and spent a long time talking about it with Amma. I decide to give him another shot. Because I have to at least try.

Unfortunately for him, his obsessive behaviour did not go down well with my parents. If he’s like this now, what would he have been like after marriage. And Appa wasn’t entirely happy with his profession – the uncertainty of regular income.
And so the proposal was rejected. And I’m back where I started.

But say I don’t find anyone else? That’s what’s scary.

Welcomed Addition

B gave birth to a baby boy today at 12:16. 8lbs 8oz.

Healthy and beautiful.

Mr & Mrs B will make amazing parents - of that I have no doubt.

When Road Rage Doesn't Pay

This morning as I was close to work, a car blitzed by on my right and tried to cut everybody up. And you all know how I feel about this. But because nobody else gave him, I was kind and i did. And he had the audacity to not acknowledge me or say thank you after I gave him way. This obviously pissed me off because:

a) He was in the wrong. Everyone else was waiting and he decided to be a wanker and cut everybody up.
b) I had the common courtesy to give you way, the least you can do is say thanks.

So I flashed my lights at him to which he acknowledged me and put his hand up as a symbol of thanks. I nodded as he looked at me in his rear view mirror.

Nothing more was thought of it, until I saw his car behind me as I took the exit onto our business park. Again, not that big a deal as there a load of companies on the business park. And then I saw him indicate the same time I did to turn into the same building as I do.

Oh shit – he works with me.

And the moral of this story? Try not to get road rage (or any kind of rage) close to your workplace!

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

SARAH!!!!!

Can I have permission to read your blog please?!

Sorry for the overdramatics (is that even a word?!) but I had no other way to contact you! :)

*blush*

Science Geek

Science geek and proud (Marie Curies 144th Birthday today!

I love it when Google does doodles relating to Science and geeky things! :)

Introductions

Being of South Asian origin can be hard. Despite growing up in a western country and being influenced by western cultures, there’s still a lot that doesn’t transfer across to South Asian culture.

When you asked people of my generation when we were kids what we wanted to be when we grew up, it was always the typical response; “doctor”, “engineer”, “dentist”, “lawyer” – the jobs that people – parents/family wanted you to be. And for most people, I can understand why this was. My parents worked hard in a foreign country to give their kids the best education they could and for them to have (perhaps unfairly deemed by Asian society) the best vocation.

And so the circle of life flows, you go to school, university, graduate, get a job, become financially stable and then inevitably thoughts toward your own family – a husband, children, grandchildren(!).

Sure, people have relationships, but it’s still very uncommon for people to live together before marriage. Not taboo – but definitely not the way things are done. And maybe in generations to come this will change – but not in mine.

I have seen a few of my closest friends get married over the last couple of years and so has my mother. And I think this is why she insists on seeing me married sometime soon.

A family friend introduced me to this guy. Before he told me about him, he said that he was one inch shorter than me. Height has always been a thing for. But I have also said, that if I find somebody who has every other desirable quality I’m looking but is that little bit shorter than me then I will not let it get in the way. And with that I agreed to talk to this guy (let’s call him AJ). AJ and I spoke last week for the first time. And we agreed to meet up on the Sunday (just gone). A very fleeting coffee meeting because he was late and I had to rush off to work......

(I actually have to get back to work so I'll carry on a little bit... )

The Lesser of Two Evils

Marrying someone you're not in love with to escape an alcoholic parent?

or

Living with an alcoholic parent and wait to marry someone you love?

Isn't It Funny

How life has a way of reminding you of things you want to forget?

Facebook news feeds. With the profile of your wife.

I must have really pissed off Karma.

Steven Paul Jobs - Creative Genuis

I am saddened by the death of Steve Jobs.

I remember my first brush with Apple. 11 years old and my school library’s computer was a mac. I was soooo confused by this technology. It wasn’t anything I was used to. And I remember not using the computer again.
As I got older, I didn’t hear much about macs and Apple and Microsoft continued with their domination of the my IT world.
It wasn’t until I got older and bought my first iPod that Apple entered my life again. Music has always been important to me and the fact that I had this device (with what would go on to become trademark white earphones) that allowed me to arrange my music, buy music so readily – well what more could I ask for?

And then the I purchased the iPhone and I haven’t looked back since. Our house is an Apple house. Maybe I bought into the consumerism of it all but I'm not ashamed.

Steve Jobs created a company but more importantly created a brand. Smart phones, computers and technology in general – all considered “cool” because of one brand. Gone are the days when geeks and technology went hand in hand.

In his own words
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."

A cruel and tragic loss to the world. A true visionary who I truly believe wanted the best for his consumers.

The Apple website could not have put it any better.

RIP Steve Jobs - February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011.

Confession

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! With far too many pictures and a few blog posts to write. 


Today was supposed to be my first day back at work. But I went to see B yesterday and stayed the night and this morning she convinced me to call in sick. Which I did. I've never done that! I feel so guilty. The worse part though is lying to my family about how my day at work was! I even changed into my work outfit before I left B's so that they wouldn't suspect anything!


I'm going to hell!


However, she did ask me to be her baby's Godmother so I can't be all that bad.

I'll Be Back

This time tomorrow I will be on a flight to Kuala Lumpur for 4 nights followed by 16 nights in and around Sydney.



WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Eye Candy

There is a guy who comes into the shop where I work (part time) who is so hot is hurts. Seriously, it physically hurts me. Every time I see him, I kinda turn into jelly. And we've started flirting. Which I know won't end well! But he's soooo HOT. He looks like Pharell Willams. But hotter.

God Damn!

Geographical Nonsense!

The above video came on the TV the other day as my siblings and I were watching one of those famous music channels. We do like The Wanted - especially since there is one guy who's half Tamil (helps that he's easy on the eye as well!).

Brother: "Best thing to come out of Ireland since Westlife".

Me: "Are they all Irish then?"

Brother: "YES!"

Me: *quick Google search on my phone (because I Google everything!)*
"Erm.. they're not all Irish".

And then I read him this.

Clearly we're very ignorant! :)

But it did make me smile. Especially at how sure sounding he was!

Emotions

Shame. Disbelief. Anger. Tearful. Disgust. Pride. Just a few of the emotions that I am feeling today.

No doubt you will have seen or heard about the riots taking place in London.
I was supposed to work last night in north west London but they called me to cancel my shift because they were closing down stores as a precaution.

I spent the next three hours glued to my TV and reading Facebook status updates and twitter.

There are two main implications as to why these riots have started:
i) Off of the back of the police shooting of Mark Duggan
ii) The cuts imposed by the government leading to a lack of facilities for these youths.

Shame – I am ashamed to think that those rioting are fellow Londoners. I am a Londoner – born and bred. I am very proud of my city. I am very proud of the fact that so many different cultures can live together so closely with little animosity. I am proud that it is a city that despite the hardships we face, its people get up and continue with their livelihoods. But these mindless yobs are a disgrace to everything that London stands for.

Disbelief – How is it that these Neanderthals think that this is acceptable behaviour? They’re not doing this to avenge the death of Mark Duggan – the majority of them won’t even know who he is. If anything, his death is in vain if these are the consequences. The pictures and scenes of violence leave me open mouthed. There is no need for this kind of behaviour. Disbelief because I have heard people criticise the Metropolitan Police and the London Fire brigade. Are you fucking kidding me?! They put their lives at risk over the last few days (and I’m not sure it’s over yet!). The riots were all over London. The police and the fire brigade did their very best to respond to all calls I’m sure but we has a city have to be that little bit understanding.
I refuse to believe that there is a social class aspect to this. I am of working class. I grew up in a poor borough of London but I know how to behave. I regularly went without but to this day, I wouldn’t steal anything to get what I want. If you want something, you should work for it.
I also refuse to believe that this is because of a lack of respect towards young people. We were all young once. I know young people and I can safely say that I have never been inclined to behave like this. The young people I know do not behave like this. If you behave like you demonstrated last night you will not get any respect off of me. You reap what you sow and your actions last night will have led to the worst karma you can possibly receive.

Anger – I am angry. How the fuck is it that we stood by and let this happen? If every law abiding citizen in their town took to the streets and threw the missiles back at these louts, maybe they’d see sense. I’m angry at the response by the British Government. In my organisation of 24000, I am not allowed to take annual leave at the same time as my counterparts. So how can the Prime Minister, the Deputy Prime Minister, the Mayor of London and pretty much all those who run our country go on holiday at the same time?! What took Mr Cameron so long to return? As soon as there were burning buildings in London – someone should have shown some leadership and given the city some guidance. I’m angry that the police are not allowed to beat the shit out of these fuckwits.

Tearful – There were riots in Lewisham & Croydon yesterday. Places very close to my heart for a variety of reasons. It saddens me deeply to see not just these places but London in flames. It’s made me teary to see the innocent shops and livelihoods lost due to sheer yob culture and mob mentality. It saddens me that if this is how some of the youth behave today, what hope is there for the future of this country?

Disgust – How are they capable of the mindset that burning buildings is the way forward? What can they possibly achieve from that? You’re shitting in your own front yards you fucking idiots!
I am disgusted by the parents of these fuckers. Were you just sitting at home watching them create this havoc? How can you be proud of this kind of behaviour? If your kid wasn’t at home after 10:00 last night – find out where they were and do the right thing. If they were even a smidgen involved – take the appropriate actions. I don’t see why you would protect fuckers with that kind of mentality. Give parents more powers to discipline their kids. We are close to becoming that much more of a nanny state. When I was younger, if I was doing something wrong, my parents had a look. Just being given the look was enough for me to stop what I was doing, apologise and go to my room. Because I knew the consequences if I didn't!
The parents of these fuckers should also be made an example of of. They haven't raised children, they've raised savages.

Pride – I am proud of the camaraderie of Londoners. I am proud that we get up and we go about our daily business. I am proud that the behaviour shown by those last night is not representative of a whole generation. I am proud that Londoners are coming together to start the long cleanup process. I am proud that we are not and will not bow down to this thuggish behaviour by these ignorant fuckers. I refuse to call them young people – they are an embarrassment to them.

They say that society has failed them. That the police have failed them – the targets of unnecessary stop and searches. That schools fail them. That the government have failed them. But that’s bollocks. Their parents failed them. But with these actions, they’ve failed themselves more than any other aspect could have.

Closure

After this, I knew the wedding was looming. So every so often I would check the website again to see if they had your wedding photos up. And lo and behold they do now. A little stalker-ish I know but that wasn't my intention.

I definitely now have complete closure. It still hurts because I invested so much time in "us" and obviously you chose somebody else. But there's so much that you can't offer me. The wedding looks like a nice affair. Not how I would have done it but nice nonetheless. Your outfit was probably the wrong choice - it makes you look fat and that's not meant in a spiteful way but you've clearly put on weight.

We're definitely done.

Tamil Diaspora to Blame?!

Really?!

The 'Dam

Some people know think that I am musically challenged. I’m also very unlucky at scoring tickets to concerts I want to see.

So when Take That (complete with Robbie Williams!) announced their tour dates and I found out I would be in Germany at the time they went on sale, I knew I had no hope but was optimistic nonetheless. Leaving strict instructions with my siblings to endeavour to get some, I thought this would be my time. But no. It wasn’t.

So when their European tickets went on sale, I said I was getting some and that would be that! And I did. I managed to secure 3 tickets to their concert in Amsterdam at Amstel Arena (Ajax’s football stadium which was enough in itself to excite me!). And then Take That went and announced more tour dates in Britain – my luck is so bad it’s not worth talking about.

However, Amsterdam 2011 was planned and I have just returned from what was an amazing trip (no illegal substances pun intended). There was a little scare when I heard this but thankfully Monday night RW stepped onto the stage and pretty much smashed the ball out of the park vocally.

TT were incredible. The show production was amazing and the atmosphere inside the venue was electric. There are no words that can do it justice.

But it wasn’t just the show. It was the fact that I spent 4 days with my siblings enjoying stupid jokes, eating crappy food, relishing the crap weather and watching Outsourced (which you must watch – I love Gupta!).

I will post some photos (not that I took many) but just a quick post to explain for the absence.

Coming back to work to a shitload of emails is the worst thing about going on holiday though!

Crap - Literally!

If you're going to use a public toilet, at least have the decency to lock the door so I don't walk in on you!

Circles

“S and I are meeting B & A for brunch – come!” arrives the text from R.

And I am engulfed in loneliness.

It’s tough being single amongst couples.




*"Enough with the pity party" - this is what I keep telling myself!*

Broken English

My dad is slightly sick. He’s been given a cold and he’s also developed some kind of pain in his upper arm.

Last night he was talking to my mum and I heard her start laughing.

“Why didn’t you say Andy Murray then?!”

Apparently my dad was saying “Anty Mortay” which my mum interpreted as “antibiotics” and she only cottoned on that he didn’t mean antibiotics when he said the word tennis.

Slightly worrying because my dad has lived in the country now for nearly 40 years! :S

I Love Pi

Pi FTW!


So I'm a geek. And what?!

Reflection

The AP is in full flow. And it brings out the worst in me.

Because I look at myself and wonder why things are the way they are. Why I'm the way I am. And I'm just not happy with what I see.

And I realise that I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face to everybody that it's destroying me even more.

It's Official!

I am old. Not just chronologically but mentally too.

My train just pulled into a station and there were what seemed like a thousand school kids on the platform. My reaction? "Oh shit!". And then I thought to myself that that's what adults probably said about me and my friends when we were that age!

Crap.

Nuptials

What do you say to a childhood friend whose fiance has called off their impending wedding?

I can't find the words. :(

Sri Lanka's Killing Fields

Channel 4 screened this last night. At 23:05. Way past the watershed because the scenes were too distressing and some quite gruesome. For those outside of the UK – it can be watched on 4OD here.

My FB , texts, emails and Twitter were bombarded with reminders and pleas urging friends and families to watch it. To spread the word and help raise the profile of it. I did the same.

Tamils in the Diaspora are labelled as “terrorist sympathisers” because they want to see people brought to justice for the death of innocent Tamil civilians.

The short documentary shows footage from civilian recordings and from military personnel (trophy videos I call them!). I cannot even begin to explain how I felt seeing this stuff.

Let’s face it – the end of the civil war in SL was a bloody one. I mean wars usually are. And the defeat of the LTTE signifies hope and peace for the beautiful island but it was at a big cost to the civilians that were caught in the no fire safety zone.

The no fire safety zone – created by the GOSL and its military powers so that civilians leaving the north would be able to be safe. Encouraged to stay there for their own safety only to be bombarded by shelling and artillery fire. By both sides. I don’t doubt that the LTTE didn’t have some part to play in the deaths of civilians by using them not only as human shields but their own shelling in retaliation to the attack by the military forces in the “no fire safety zone” (they might even have instigated it – but without independent reporting, we’ll never know).

The report calls for an independent war crime investigation. The UN published a report in April 2011 that as many as 40000 people died in the final weeks of the civil war and the report states that Ban Ki-Moon refuses to call for an independent inquiry.
The UN is a complete and utter joke. How can it be taken seriously when it talks of war crimes in Libya but Ban-Ki Moon ignores them elsewhere? Are civilian casualties not important when they are in the third world?! Or when there is a lack of oil profits available? How disheartening is it that a human life is worth so much less than the commodity that is oil?!

Look at the similarities between Ratko Mladic, Bosnian Serb army chief and what happened in Srebrenica and what has happened in SL. Will the world need to wait an excess amount of years before someone is to answer for the deaths?

It will be said that this is LTTE propaganda and in all fairness the documentary does not present a balanced view (in my humble opinion). Both sides are to blame and both should face the consequences. But the GoSL should hand over the captured LTTE members (if in fact they are still alive) so that they can also face charges against them for war crimes.

You judge a person by the company they keep. SL allies itself with China, Russia, Iran and Israel – all countries with questionable human rights and still the UN stands by and does nothing. The worst thing is - SL gets it weapons from these countries but these countries get it from the USA/UK. It's a joke!

I don’t live in SL. I never have. I will never know what it’s like to experience being a Tamil in SL first hand. Nor will I never know what it is like questioning whether I would have able to board a bus safely in the Colombo without fearing for my life. So my writings here are a reflection of what I have seen, heard and do know.

What I do know is that it is not our place to take peoples’ lives.

It’s not a question of LTTE vs. GoSL. It’s not a question of Tamils vs. Sinhalese. It’s a question of how were tens of thousands of innocent Tamil civilians were allowed to die and nobody did anything to stop it. And now nobody is doing anything to question it.

Who Can?

Dukan!!!

Yes - that was a really poor pun. What to do?

I am going to do the Dukan Diet I think. I'm still contemplating it. I've read lots but I'm going to have to plan what I can and can't eat.

Will let you know when I've started! :

Gluttony

I like photography.

I like Tamil Wedding Photography.

I am a saddo.

And today having Googled Tamil Wedding Photography, I have seen S and his fiancee in their engagement photos.

And there is the second of my seven. Glutton for punishment.

Lunch

My lunch was today:

• Muruku


• Vadai


• Milk toffee.

I lurrrrrrrrrrrve milk toffee.

(Did I mention that diabetes is hereditary in my family?!)

XOXO

Remember when I wrote this?

And Auf wrote this.

Now someone (someone who is a hottie as well) has started to end their texts with x.

Confused? Yeah - that'd be me!

Ten on Tuesday

I thought I’d do start doing this (well I’d do it today and see how it goes from there!) and I’m doing it on Wednesday so I am late (almost fashionably but not quite) as always! I’ll probably pick up on the 30 Days challenges in about 6 months!

1. If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be? Remember the Titans – because against all adversity, it shows us that there is good in the world. And we can change something if we believe in it enough.

2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why? I'm going to say Anne Hathaway though I don't have a reason for it!

3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters? Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves – And I remember the AP turning up wasted halfway through. Good times!

4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school? Not in middle or high school but first year of uni. “Make out” is a bit of an understatement…..

5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?) For legal reasons – none of the above.

6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with. Ian Somerholder. Do I need a reason? Enough said.

7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Oh God. So many but one that sticks out in my mind over the last couple of years is Be Kind, Rewind. It was just a pointless film if you ask me.

8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go? Always! Snacks are overpriced at the cinema. You pay extortionate prices to see a film and then have to pay even more extortionate prices to eat that junk?! No thank you.

9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it? Love it!

10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion? Sleeping Beauty. I love the three fairy godmothers!

Acquaintances

I love my friends – B, A, R, RL, SS and all the other random initials you might have seen on here.

I went out on Friday night without them though. Because I know that when we are out, we stick together. We have our own jokes, our own terminology for things, our own little quirks and I am comfortable around them. Friday night was definitely outside of my comfort zone. Invited out for a birthday party of a boy I didn’t know by a girl who I’ve only recently met is not ideal - social butterfly or not!

But I went because as much as I love my friends, they are at different stages to me and trying to talk to them about how I feel makes me scared. Afraid that they’ll judge me. Thinking that I should have moved on by now.

I met a girl. Someone whom I’ve seen around at other parties. We share mutual friends and have said hello to each other more than once but we’ve never had an actual conversation. But Friday night, I was able to share my fears of loneliness, dating sites, marriage and the future because she is in the exact same boat as me. And it happened so easily. We spoke about our pasts and I mentioned the ex because even though it’s been a while, there is still some pain. My physical insecurities are so rarely voiced in public – in fact not at all. I don’t share with anyone how I feel about myself but with her I did. Not because I want her to become my lifelong friend. But because it felt good to be able to share that with someone who I don’t know. Someone who I don’t care if she’ll judge me or not.
I don’t feel comfortable enough to do that with the usual lot. Not because they wouldn’t support me but because they’d know me at my most vulnerable. And I’m not sure if I want them to see that side of me.

I’m not sure if I want anyone to see that side of me. The side that actually cares. The side that is so lonely that it’s sometimes in despair. The side that matters.

9 Months and Counting

It has been 9 months since you told me. And about 7 since I last spoke to you. Things are supposed to get easier with time they say and they have - definitely. But lately I've been missing you. Not in a "love of my life kind of way". But in a "you were my best friend" kind of way. Not being able to share what my latest favourite song is. Not being able to share how I feel about the death of the FBI's most wanted. And it's the littlest thing that trigger me off. Seeing the same car that you drive.
The fact that I am at such a different stage in my life than to that of my nearest and dearest friends.

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. But I can't talk to anyone about it. None of them will understand. And it saddens me. Because despite the smile I put on to the outside world, inside I'm crumbling.

25 Days in 2011

No not a new film.#

25 days annual leave a year is just not enough. :(

14 - 18 July: Amsterdam to see Take That perform!

02 - 24 September: Sydney, Australia via Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia (4 nights).

Total number of days taken: 20. :( And that's not even thinking about all the ad hoc holidays I'll need!

(I've already started scoping out where the best places to party are but all suggestions are welcome!)

Cornered

April hasn’t been a very productive month for me blog wise.

I’ve been so caught up in trying to figure out what to wear to the Royal Wedding (if only!).

I love weddings. Well certain parts to them.

RL was married over the weekend. Hindu ceremony on the Saturday and the Christian ceremony on the Sunday. I really enjoyed myself – how she and the groom and their families managed to arrange such a beautiful wedding in such a short space of time is beyond me.

My mum attended the Hindu ceremony with me and not once did she raise the question of “So, does anyone take your fancy?”. My own mother – I was so proud.
A comes over to say hello and promptly asks “So – what about that guy over there? I can hook you up you know!”.

The Christian ceremony was for only for family and close friends due to lack of space. I was seated with three recently married couples (B, A, G and their respective halves). I do like to leave myself open for punishment it seems.
Our conversation pretty much ranged from
“So when is it your turn?”, “What kind of guy are you looking for?”, “What about that guy over there?”, “Go and talk to him” to “Man – married life is hard”, “We need to get our own place but it’s so expensive”, “We have our own place and it’s sooo expensive”, “You can’t eat that” and a little bit more. But that’s not the point of this post.

The bit I love most about weddings is the dancing. And if you don’t know by now, Myself, A and his wife R, RL and her husband amongst many of our other friends are freshies. We love Tamil music. We especially love Koothu/Gaana. I can’t help but move when I hear it. And RL catered for the crowd. On came the choons and off we went!
A always tells me that there must be no music around if I want to meet a guy because I concentrate so much on dancing that he probably wouldn’t get a look in (so true it’s sad!).

As the end of the evening approached, time for the bride to throw her bouquet. And so I stepped quietly away from the corwd of girls that were gathering. Purely because I’m not that kind of person. UNTIL A and R decided to bellow across the dance floor (the music was turned down by this point so everyone could hear!) “SCRUMPS! SCRUMPS! Get into the crowd. Get to the front!” And then promptly came over and pushed me towards the crowd.
If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, it only gets worse. I managed to escape them and find a corner at the back of the room away from this. What does RL do? She throws her bouquet as faaaaaar back as possible so it lands on the table next to where I am standing. To which A and R come running over and thrust it into my hands.

I tried to profusely proclaim that it shouldn’t be mine but no one would hear anything of it. Next thing I know there is a mic in front of me. Me being the ever cool, calm and collected girl that I am somewhat hysterically just muttered “I need to go home”.

(Though, once I had that bouquet in my hand though, I didn’t put it down for fear that someone might try and take it from me!)

However, I don’t think the same implications apply if you don’t actually catch a bouquet! Hopefully, it’ll help my family and friends relax a little!

Sins

As I stand waiting for my friend on this beautiful spring evening and I see all the couples around me, I can't help but feel envy.

1 down. 6 to go.

The Chemist In Me

Loves it! :) Such a geek and proud!

(image courtesy of Google)

Bonus

I got one! And yet I've pretty much spent it all already ! :(

With Friends Like These

"Man u are utterly awesome. It's a shame u are currently destined for spinster-dom!"

Gee - thanks!

Siblings & Food

Unmeasurable sibling love is leaving the biggest piece of chocolate cake lamb chop for you because you've been stuck in traffic for three hours.

Your Views

Are you freaking kidding me?!

7 YEARS?!

Actually

It was my birthday today. God I'm old! :(

Guess What

Day it is tomorrow?! :P

Refreshing

I like FB. In fact, I am a fan. But it really grates my goat:

• Now that you can't hide your display picture (unless it's from everybody!)
• When people add you randomly (i.e. you've never met!)
• When people say they know you from FB (at a first meeting)
• When people you've met once at a social engagement add you.

So imagine how refreshing I found it when I met a girl on Saturday night who asked me if I wouldn't mind if she added me on FB?!

She was so lovely, I had no hesitations in saying yes! :)

February

Our first date.

Our first kiss.

Our first night together.

I know I shouldn’t be missing you. This year would have been 10 years. And I look back and I think of the good times. Isn’t it funny that when you were in my life every day, I couldn’t remember a good time. And now that you’re gone, those are the times I think of most. I did very well over the new year but February holds a very special place in my heart and that’s why it hurts.

It Can Only Get Better!

I bet you're dying to know how the "meet-up" went?

Piss poor really. There are plenty of other adjectives to sum it up but why waste words.

Thankfully it didn't take place at home. At the last minute, he somewhat redeemed himself and suggested coffee and I may have surprised him at how quickly I agreed!

We both arrived relatively at the same time so at least there wasn't any awkward waiting around. But there was definitely more awkward moments than needed. He was taller than me - bonus and he was nice enough looking. But that doesn't mean I found the rubbish coming out of his mouth attractive. I think he found my independence slightly intimidating especially when I had an opinion on stuff. To be fair, I'm sure he's a very nice guy but he's just not my very nice guy. And he's called a few times since but I did tell him on the last call that it won't work out. I think he was as relieved as I was!

And if you thought that was bad, I have been roped into going into Tamil Speed Dating on Saturday - oh the joys of being single!

Time & Place

There is a time and a place for everything. Being chatted up at 6:45 on a Monday morning on my way to work is not one of them.*




(*Unless you're mega HOT!)

My Very Own Tamil Movie Moment Gone Wrong!

You know how they say that girls dream of fairytale endings? You know, how we watch too much Disney movies and rom-coms and want to believe that our prince Charming is out there and our love story will be one of those like an all time classic? Well I’m not one of them. Sure, I believe in true love and truly want to believe that my Prince Charming is out there but past experiences lead me to be believe that this is unlikely. Besides, I’ve always envisaged my life as a bit of a Tamil film. Boy and girl meet. Fall in love. Parents don’t agree. Boy beats up potential father in law. Potential father in law sets right all his wrong and accepts boy with open arms . I’ve never understood these by the way but they make entertaining viewing.

Last Sunday it was time for my “fantasy” to become a “reality”.

Amma received the details of some boy (SB). SB’s mum was here and she spoke to my mum and they swapped charts and it was agreed that me and SB would get to know each other. This was about 10 days ago. Sunday morning, my amma pulls back my duvet and tells me that “they” are coming to see me. “Who?” I ask pulling back the duvet over my head and closing my eyes in the hope she’d leave me alone! “SB and co” she replies. WTF? Why do they want to see me for? What?! And I was induced into panicking – HARD!

“Ponnu Paarkurathu” (Bride viewing in English), was not something I'd really anticipated. At all. What to wear? How to style my hair? And having never having done this, my only reference being Tamil films!

I didn’t want to be there. I ended up wearing a shalwar kameez, left my hair in its curly ringlets and waited. Their arrival was sounded by the doorbell and I waited in the dining room. SB’s mum, sister and brother in law had come. No SB – erm... OK... Surely this was a two way thing – I should get to see him as well right? I waited and waited and thought that I would get away with not having to see them when my aunt called me. And it was awful. I felt like such a cliché, looking at the floor as I walked in. And this is not because I was going for the demure and shy look (because I’m hardly that am I?!)! but purely because I didn’t know where else to look - I didn't want to make eye contact with any of them. And then my mum said “Oh, you can look up”. So I did and they spoke about me as if I wasn’t there. I stayed for about 7 minutes before I said “OK – I’m going back next door now” and ran like an elephant walked like an angel out of the door.

And then about 10 minutes later, they left. With photos of me. Saying that they liked me. Well, jolly good for you! SB called me later that night. Said he’d seen my photos and would like to meet me. Can he come to my house this weekend?! MY HOUSE?! Can’t we meet in a coffee shop like our other modern day peers?! I said OK – because I know that that’s what my amma would want me to do.

I’ve had two conversations with SB since then. We have nothing in common. He doesn’t go out. He doesn’t like girls to go out after a certain time. Our first conversation ended like this:

SB: “Can I ask you a question?”
Scrumps: “Of course”
SB: “What would you do if I told you weren’t allowed out somewhere that you wanted to go to?”
Scrumps: *cough* *splutter* “I think my mum’s calling me. Can I call you back later?”

And now I have to call him tonight (coz he called me last night) and I have to meet him on Sunday.

What a load of bollocks!

Mortified

Since buying Hector, I have started taking the train to and from work. This usually takes me an hour and a half considering that I work somewhere in outer Mongolia! (OK – a slight exaggeration.)

In order to keep myself occupied, I’ve started using the time to my advantage and have started catching up on all the American series’ that I watch (Vampire Diaries, Hawaii 5-O, The Mentalist, Nikita, 90210 etc....). I’m currently up to date on all of these so I thought I’d start watching a new one (hey – I have to use the time on the train!) so I downloaded True Blood. I’d heard good things about it so I thought I’d give it a go.

I work along a popular route you see and my train gets quite packed. I’m fortunate however to be able to grab a seat as I get on at the very first stop. I usually choose a two seater and sit next to the window. Just because it’s a little secluded and I’m not in a bay of 4 or 6 and have to rest my netbook on my lap (the two seaters have the fold down trays).

There I was this morning watching the very first episode of True Blood when up pops the image of a woman’s breasts and the scene goes on to show a man with his face in a very sensitive area of hers (tastefully done obviously)! OK – so it wasn’t on there for long – 2 seconds at the most but it felt like a minute to me. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone on the train because I didn’t want them to think that I was watching porn (Not that there’s anything wrong with watching porn but a time and place people!) God knows what the lady sitting next to me must have thought! I spent the next 30 minutes apprehensively watching the rest of the episode praying that nothing of the same nature came up.

Maybe I should rethink my choice of train appropriate viewing material!

Oh My Good Lord!

For the love of God people! Just because I am single and you are all coupled up, it does not mean that I need you to hold my hand at every single social event or assume that I will be uncomfortable around couples or be able to fend for myself or sit in a corner wallowing!

Get over yourselves!