Jellyfish

The post might give you too much information so read at your own peril!

I know women complain about it all the time. The fact that we (women) have to go through it and that men don’t – well debateable I guess depending on the men you know. But yes – that time of the month (TTOTM).

I don’t moan about it too much. I mean – it’s the way of the world. I don’t mind the aches and pains – probably because these don’t affect me that much. What I hate is how emotional it makes me! I never used to be like this – TTOTM would come and go and I would happily carry on with my day to day (albeit mundane) life.

This month though, I am so emotional it’s too crap. We all know that I’m emotional at the best of times. The thing is, I miss S. I know I shouldn’t. What I should mention here is that S came to New York; I don’t think I’ve mentioned that before (!). And not that I was expecting it to be a massive love fest because I truly believed at that time (and still do) it was over but I was expecting it to be fun. For the four of us (S, siblings and I) to have laughs. It didn’t turn out like that. It seemed my siblings took S’ side whenever he was making fun out of me. If I suggested doing anything other than shopping or stopping to take photos of random things – everything was ridiculed. Maybe that explains why I felt like this about it once I got back.
To cut a long and boring story short, S and I haven’t spoken since we got back. That was 5 weeks ago (yeah, I’m counting; yeah, I’m a saddo!) and since then I haven’t called or texted him. This is a big thing for me. It is hard to just lock someone off who has been a constant in your life for nearly 8 years. Someone who you’ve had communication with at least 90% of that time. We didn’t even have an argument. We just didn’t talk. And that in itself is enough for me to know that any hope I had that things could have worked themselves out between us (so I’m an optimist – sue me!).

But now it’s TTOTM and yesterday I cried. I miss him. I miss the amicable banter between us. I miss the fact that I didn’t have anyone to talk about the inauguration with. I miss hearing his voice. Even as I write it brings tears to my eyes and what with being at work, that’s probably not a good thing.
Why does TTOTM make me so emotional? I had an argument with my siblings about why they call each other instead of me when asking for a lift (petty I know) if I’m the one that’s coming to pick them up. It’s like calling a taxi company and the controller telling me where and when to go. I know this is something that’s stupid. Something that I wouldn’t usually even think about twice but yesterday it reduced me to tears.
TTOTM is awful. If I’m emotional at the best of times, TTOTM reduces me to a bawling overemotional jellyfish (what an analogy!).