*Disclaimer*: Highly (overdue) angst post to follow!
I think I've mentioned somewhere on here before that I have an alcoholic parent (AP). The AP and I have never got along. I guess that's just the way it's meant to be in our house. We're so similar you see. If you believe in all that numerology stuff, you could say it's because we're the same number. Or it's because the AP has raised me and and certain aspects of their personality have rubbed off on me. Whatever the reason may be, we don't get along.
It doesn't help matters that the non alcoholic parent (NAP) is quite defenceless when dealing with the AP.
The AP shows their love for my siblings so much more than for me. It's probably because they always give in and fund the AP for their habit. Or because they let the AP get on with their stuff when drunk. I don't know but for whatever reason, it always end up coming back to me.
I am the cause the of everything.
"Your daughter...." AP tells NAP.
"Everything that goes wrong is because of your daughter."
"She's the one who's going to be downfall of this family."
"Either she goes or I go."
And blah blah blah. Tell me something that I haven't already heard before.
AP wasn't always like this. There was a time when I would stay out of their way and things would flow that little bit more smoothly in our house. But nowadays, it's like AP picks a fight with me. Knowing that with just that little bit more persistent goading, I'll give in and retaliate.
I try so hard not. Believe me. I've even taken to leaving the house and walk the streets until I know that enough time has passed for AP to calm down or fall asleep. Anything to spare NAP and siblings what I know will follow. The ranting about how I'm such a disappointment and that I'll bring shame to the family with the amount of guys I'm supposedly with! It's something that I've heard repetitively but something that doesn't hurt any less when it gets shouted out there in the open.
The thing is, I don't know how much AP remembers the following morning. If I try to avoid them and not talk to them, I can hardly help myself because when AP is sober, they're back to being the parent I remember from my childhood.
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Your Daughter
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9 comments:
wow dude. thats rough. hope the next year is a good one for you, despite AP and everything else.
*hugs* lets just ask for a better year!!!
That's tough :(
Here's wishing you a wonderful 2009
It's _good_ thing you're there for your family.
Hope this year is better than the last!
Thats tough. Study well so you can be on your feet, and then plan a future where you can be independent and happy. :)
it sounds incredibly difficult to deal with and despite you thinking it is not the case (because you sound rather hard on yourself), i feel that you show a lot of patience and maturity in dealing with what sounds like a really hard situation. i don't know what else to say, except that it's good that you can write about it and vent this way - it's a good outlet! i hope that provides you with some perspective and comfort in dealing with it. goodluck and wish you all the best for 2009 :)
Oh gosh. That real sucks! Hang in there, like Dee says study hard and be as independent as possible. Like Darwin says vent out rather than keeping it in.
Hope the Year is everything you wish for!
Sad story, keep your chin up.
T: Thank you.
~ lo$t $oul ~: *hugs* right back atcha!
Azrael: Thank you. All the best to you too! :)
Jerry: You have to be right?
DeeCee: Study well? How old do you think I am?! my studying days are well and truly over! :)
Darwin: Bless your heart!
Chaarmax: Thanks.
JP: Chin up my friend. :)
To all: thank you for the concern - it is much appreciated! :)
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