And Still Counting...

Yes I'm still counting. It's been 6 weeks nearly since S and I have stopped talking. We were together officially for 2 years and then we did the whole unofficial thing on and off for about 4 years. Don't ask me why I didn't stop it as soon as we officially ended it. It would have saved me a whole lot of hassle and heart ache.

The last lie was also the last straw so I haven't called, text or emailed him. In fact, I think I'm finally getting the closure that I needed.

The only thing is now I'm starting to miss him. He was, for a very long time, my best friend.The first person I would confide in, share with and laugh with. The first phone call in my time of need regardless of the hour, the one with whom I shared all my hopes, dreams and ambitions. I miss having someone to share that with. My imminent birthday will be the first of 8 years that I haven't had him in my life for so that whole nostalgic feeling is making me feel like shit.

I don't hate him. In fact, I feel sorry for him more so than anything else. The fact that he felt the need to lie to me (again) saddens me. And over such a trivial thing too. Especially after I'd made it clear that the best thing for both of us was to move on. It saddens me because it seems as though he wasn't mature enough to deal with it.

What has amazed me the most though, is how nonchalant I feel about it. And I'm impressed with myself because if any had told me I'd be like this at the beginning of the year - I would have disagreed completely; determined with the though that S and I were meant to be!

Time is definitely a healer!

Total Darkness

I have a crush.

Totally unattainable as I'm so not his type. He wants that typical slim, petite, fair domestic Goddess that has been built up by Asian society to be the epitome of how Asian women should be!
I'm dark - not so much but by Sri Lankan definitions I am.

I am sick and tired of how you have to be fair to be pretty in our society! Why is that? Having more melanin apparently makes you that much more unattractive! Can you imagine how being told on a regular basis (basically at LEAST 4 times a month) that "If only God had blessed you with being fair - then you'd be even more beautiful."? Gee thanks!! Way to boost a girl's confidence! Maybe I should just throw this back at them. Maybe I'm this colour because God wants me to be healthy more than anything else! Have you ever thought about that?!
As a teenager, it used to bother me a great deal. So much so that I hated looking at myself in the mirror. Like maybe I had a very mild form of BDD but as I got older, I saw the nicer things I had to offer - I'm alright looking, being dark should not hinder the fact that I have a nice personality (I'm modest too!), I'm a gooood dancer, I'm smart and a lot of fun to be around! Ok, so maybe clutching at straws but I immersed myself in the life that I wanted, not that what had been dictated to me. I surrounded myself with good friends and one of the reasons I'm confident in my own shell now is due to B, my best friend (more about her later) and S - my ex. It restored my faith in human compassion and kindness - that people can be loved for who they and not for what they look like!

What pisses me off even more is I've seen some girls out there who are fair and they're not ugly but they are so plain and similar as the next fair girl but I've seen dark girls who are beautiful and people just can't see it. I guess it takes a "Darkie" to know a fellow beautiful one!

Impending Doom!

Tomorrow is St Valentine's day. Totally over hyped and commercial and yet I know I'll still succumb and end up buying a card, sending some over priced roses and generally feeling like shit when I don't receive nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

It's not usually that bad - the last couple of years I've had someone send me a card at least. This year. I'm totally single and I have the biggest crush known and I'm pretty sure I'm passed the age of crushes. Should I tell him is what's been pretty much running through my mind since the weekend. Should I? If so, should I send him a card/flowers/signed/unsigned. I should probably tell him just to get it out of my system but then I'm stuck in that good ol' moral dilemma of whether we'd lose our friendship! What to do? (Rhetorical!)

We've known each other for about 10 months now maybe and we've even been on holiday together (amongst a group of friends!) and we have fun. I don't think physically I'm his type which is fair enough but I'm not a minger! I mean, I can get by so why all this fussing and completely belittling and making fun of me everytime he sees me? Playground tactics? Is the only reason he hasn't pulled my pigtails yet and run off blushing to hide behind the nearest shed due to the fact that I don't wear pigtails?! Maybe I should and see what he does. I think he already knows as well. I don't think I've been too subtle about it!

Oh well, I'll just have to live with it and rack up my phone bill by texting people replies to all their "Happy Valentine's Day" crappy texts!

I'm going to make you love me

I went to see Dancing in the Streets recently. I love the Motown era - my knowledge of it isn't up to much but I can't dispute my love for the songs, the artists and the feeling that they create.
The show was amazing! The crowd were quite reserved for the first 40 minutes or so but then they totally got into the groove - not so much dancing in the streets as to dancing in the aisles!

What's your favourite Motown medley?