Says "It's not that I don't trust you, I just can't depend on you."
B called me the other night not long after I published the last post. And she basically said that I had told A her business. Obviously I didn't. You'd think that after however many years of friendship, she wouldn't have to question that but she did.
If only she knew that A doesn't give a shit which is why she never comes up in our conversations (they had a falling out about 6 weeks ago!).
But question it she did. Emotional as I am, I basically told her that I hate having to prove myself to her constantly. Over and over again that I am going to tell her shit to other people. Why would I do that?! Does she think that once she's told me, I go out thinking "So let me go and tell everyone coz I've nothing else to do!"?! It's bollocks really.
She also said that she feels as though I put A before her. Not true if you ask me because of the countless occasions that I have been there when I could have been with A. The fucking paranoia and jealousy is beyond my amusement now. Seriously. Get over it. If you don't get along with him, fair enough. I haven't asked you two to be friends.
The thing is, I know how pathetic this all sounds. Right now, I just want my own time and space.
Last night, I went through some pretty rubbish shit. Nothing to do with this. Family and business issues in which threats were made, property was damaged and police were called.
You know when you can't talk to adults to make them see sense - to show them that even though you may not want to do it - there is only one feasible option and it's the best.
The threat making people are serious. Do you know how much I begged and cried my heart out last night to make sure that they didn't hurt you? To buy that little bit of extra time and say that I will find the money. I will give it to them so that your pride doesn't get your property further damaged, your children hurt or whatever else there could be.
I'm a mess at the moment and the people that I should have been able to turn to aren't there. As you do get older (and yes I'm old!), you see things a lot clearer. You can't trust or depend upon anyone other than yourself.
I'm not bitter - just honest.
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14 comments:
sad story, best of luck.
dont worry scrump.. things will turn out fine :) keep it tight ciao
aint tht the truth.. trust no one but urself.. hope everything works out..
"You can't trust or depend upon anyone other than yourself."
amen to that (at least the depend part you'd have to be mighty cynical to not trust anyone and i hope you haven't got to that point). the trick is to not expect anyone to be there for you. that way when they are there, it surprises you pleasantly and when they're not there life still goes on. least, what i (try to) do.
good luck!
*Hugs*
I wrote something similar a little while back when it hit me that I've never had a single friend who has been unselfish and not stabbed me in the back. It takes time but like you said, you eventually realize that you can only depend on and trust yourself. I'm actually tired of maintaining friendships that are in reality shallow and meaningless. And I feel so much better since I realized all of that because I no longer have to be unselfish for anyone or sacrifice anything. Sorry about the LONG comment. Everything i'm trying not to blog about came out.
You'll be okay though. We don't call you S for nothing :) Hugs.
If the above posters are to be believed, we should all be walking around with knives in our backs. Not everyone is a backstabbing bastard.
"No man can be an island"
I think Jerry's right about not everyone being a backstabbing bastard (though I still stand by the selfish part). I'm just bitter and jaded as of right now and that came through in my comment. Sowy :)
Actually I agree that in the end you can only count on yourself. People will let you down.
It's funny Jerry... but that is exactly what I say in my head sometimes... but I then go on to say "I am an Island"... in so many ways.
I will say however that some people are far better than others, but when it really comes down to the wire... don't expect much.
JP: Thank you.
The Whackster: Bless your heart! I will try to "keep it tight" as possible!
Finrod: Thanks.
PP: I guess that's what I should have done!
Uhu: Thank you.
Sach: Thank you. I guess it's not about the fact that i don't trust her. Just that I can't depend on her. Or anyone really.
Jerry: I don't think it's about backstabbing - more so about just not being able to depend on people not to abuse your trust..
Foxhound: I do know what you mean! :)
I feel so alone in having at least one non-related friend who I believe I can trust.
And I, in turn return the favour.
See? You have two trustworthy people right there.
:P
Jerry: But I don't know either of you! :-P
re: the friends, i'm going through what ur going through. i think we all go through that sooner or later.
re: the issues of last night, i'm sorry to hear. stuff like that can get pretty bad. chin up though :)
Take care and good luck
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